LEG SHOW MAY 1995 Interview with Jane
by Neil Wexler

“Get over here, young man, you broke the rules! You had an erection and leaked! Unfasten your belt and unzip your zipper...pull your panties down and drape your body over my lap...”

These words, spoken in her soft, feminine, understanding yet undeniably firm voice, are from “Naughty Boy Gets a Spanking”, one of the audio tapes produced by Jane of X-traordinary Talk. A 41-year-old executive for her own medical marketing firm, her second job is creating tapes which specialize in female domination. Crafted with care, the cassettes feature sultry voices (of Jane or other dominants), arousing scripts, and evocative background music, elements which produce a potent atmosphere where strong men must bow to the will of benevolent but steely female despots—perhaps to be spanked, bathroom-scrubbing domestics. But the underlying dynamic of Jane’s tapes is fem-dom with love and respect—playful, not obliterating. “1 don’t believe in punishing [a man] in any way except one that will make him ecstatic,” she says in “How To Sexually Dominate Your Man,” an instructional cassette that’s been as popular with women as with men.

Leg Show: You told me you were married for eight years, and lived in Albuquerque, New Mexico, with your lawyer husband. You had a regular middle-class life, and a 100% vanilla sex life. So how did you discover female dominance?

Jane: I was utterly bored by my sex life with my husband. But I always had a fascination with unusual Iifestlyes. I grew up on the East Coast. but when I was a teenager we moved to Boulder, Colorado, which was really “far-out.” I went to college there...there were riots on campus...people were experimenting with sexuality. But I personally maintained a real straightness, and always looked very corporate. I had a fascination with New York, however, that I couldn’t get over, and would go there every chance I got. This was before I was married. I would seek out bizarre clubs. I really loved gay clubs because they were so creative...and I’ve always been fascinated with transvestites. I would be there with, say, my college boyfriend, but otherwise I led a really straight life. I didn’t know there was any sexuality outside vanilla...I had never seen a pornographic publication or movie...I didn’t know what tv’s did sexually...I was interested in lifestyles different from my own, but I didn’t want to participate in them. I’m not gay myself, for instance.

Anyway, when my husband and I divorced, I took a job as marketing director for the New Mexico Symphony Orchestra, and after that I took a job as editor of Albuquerque Monthly. I did outrageous things that nobody else in the magazine’s history had ever thought of, and got a lot of attention. I built circulation every month. One of the things I wanted to do was put the most visible person in our state (outside of the governor)—Joe, a lawyer who does a lot of billboard work, TV, etc.—doing something outrageous on the cover. I called him up, we went to lunch, one thing led to another and he ended up on my cover and in my bed. He was the most outrageous person I’d ever met, and we were together for three years [until just recently]. He introduced me to a sexuality I had never known before. Our first time together sexually, he dived down between my legs very aggressively, and ripped apart the pantyhose I was wearing. The act was so aggressive that it was very erotic to me.

Leg Show: You were accustomed to a more courtly approach?

Jane: Yes. But I loved his style. And I knew he had an intellectual fascination with sadomasochism, but I didn’t know with what exactly. Very slowly, we created our own sexuality, which is not S&M but D&S—dominance and submission. There’s a very clear distinction in my mind: S&M is a very physical act between consenting partners that interprets pain as pleasure for the masochist. I cannot do that. I don’t want to hurt anybody, and I don’t want to be hurt. D&S is more of a mind-fuck than a body-fuck. It’s about a psychological exchange of power in which he relinquishes power to me, and I accept it and run the show.

Leg Show: But how exactly did you get into the situation where you became the dominant? Because it sounds that he started off as the aggressor.

Jane: Joe was not real open with me about what he wanted, because he’s a very dominant male in the real world, and for him to talk about being submissive, or saying that he wanted to be the passive partner, would have been anathema to what he was in the rest of his life. He didn’t give me indications, but I just guessed along the way.

Leg Show: By what?

Jane: I started reading books like Different Loving, and saw clues. For instance, if I accidentally gave him a little spank, a love pat, I would see his reaction—which was to love it. So my brain said, “If he likes this, he might like a whole spanking.”

Leg Show: What about yourself? How did you take to the dominant role?

Jane: Like a duck to water. From the time somebody said, “You’re dominant,” which I didn’t even know the meaning of, to the time I was actually practicing, was a matter of two months. It also came into my life at a time when I was real open to it—my late thirties. I was bored with vanilla sex and had a partner who was kinky and I felt comfortable enough to do role-playing. I loved it. I’ve never felt guilt or shame. Joe used to ask me, “Do you really like this?” And I thought that was so funny, because I wouldn’t do anything I didn’t like. I swore when I left my marriage that I would never have sex if I didn’t want to have it.

Leg Show: What do you think can contribute to making a woman dominant—yourself, for example?

Jane: Women write to me and say, “I want to play the part of the exciting dominatrix for my lover. How do I do that?” Now, I think you can do it, and get off on it, even if you’re just learning by rote—but to be really good, and sustain the energy for a long period of time, I believe you need to have that computer chip in your psyche. I don’t know where it comes from...for me, maybe it’s because I was put down as an ugly duckling and have resentment about that deep down. Maybe some schoolboy crossed me or something...but I feel I definitely have the computer chip. I just took to it too quickly.

Leg Show: What’s an example of a scene you and Joe did?

Jane: Well, the panty fantasy tapes are all from my real life. I would say to Joe, “Get to my house today at 5:30 and don’t be late.” He wouldn’t have any knowledge of what was going to happen, but when he came over there would be instructions on the bed for him to strip, to put on sheer female underwear, and to lie on the bed face down, his bottom up high and legs spread apart, with a blindfold on. And then I would come home and he could hear me, but he wouldn’t know if I had somebody with me that day or not. The uncertainty is a lot of what happens in D&S: the surprises, the psychological control.

So he would have to be in a position and not talk—he loves to talk—and he would hear me undress, and maybe put on some other clothes like a black push-up bra, black garters with black stockings—he liked seams with a Cuban heel—and very high shoes, and maybe long black gloves. If I wanted to! Or if I didn’t feel like it, I’d just keep on a business suit or whatever I had on. Then I would touch him and it would be gentle and loving, and next I’d tell him what a good boy he was and how he minded instructions very well. But then he might say something, and I’d swat his bottom because he wasn’t supposed to speak. Also, we had a rule in the relationship that he couldn’t drip pre-cum—it was not allowed. Of course he had no control over that so it was inevitable that he would drip, and then he’d get a spanking! Which was great.

Leg Show: You’ve mentioned to me that you attend spanking parties in California. What are those like?

Jane: So much fun! We went to a Shadow Lane party the Halloween of ’93. Shadow Lane devotes itself to spanking and nothing else, and we met people that we really clicked with. People would invite us to their hotel rooms for private parties during the Shadow Lane [event], and there would be eight couples all spanking each other. At first I thought how odd it was—no snacks were served, no libations, no discussion of world events. People just spanking and laughing and having a wonderful time. I had never been to anything like that. Most of the women were in dresses with frilly garter belts, everything nice and proper, and yet this outrageous activity was going on. But when it was my turn to spank Joe, I was kind of shy to just dive right in, so I invited each woman in the room to come over and spank him for some imaginary transgression. If I didn’t want them to use their hands, I gave them an implement—“Oh, try this paddle!”

Leg Show: Were people getting off in the course of all this activity?

Jane: No, it was utterly non-sexual. It was foreplay for the couples, and there was no display of genitals. After the gathering, though, everybody went to their own rooms at two in the morning, and the next day at breakfast it was like, “Well, what did you do last night?” Everybody blushed, because of course we’d all made love afterwards. Joe and I went to New England last year to see the changing of the leaves, and we stopped in a little kitchen store in Vermont and looked at implements we could use. Everybody in the store was shopping for kitchen stuff, and we were shopping for sex toys! I bought Joe a timer to wear around his neck, and he had to perform cunnilingus until the timer went off.

Leg Show: Your approach to fem-dom is individualistic. You told me earlier that you even feel the term “Mistress” is an affectation. I also understand that, unlike many dominants, you also enjoy being spanked yourself sometimes and are willing to admit it!

Jane: I think it’s great. It’s nice to be able to let yourself be dominated, for a couple of reasons. One is that it helps you become a better dominant, and the second reason is that it’s nice to have all the attention focused on you and have your partner respond to what your limits are. I believe in a loving spanking; what pushes my buttons isn’t “You’re such a naughty girl,” or anything like that, but just the emotional attention and hands-on physical thing. I’m not into the humiliation aspects myself. I love to dish it out, but not get it.

Leg Show: So you consider yourself primarily dominant?

Jane: Yes, 98% dominant by nature.

Leg Show: But that little 2%-—

Jane: —loves to be spanked, and I love “being taken.” I can’t think of a woman who doesn’t. Just being seen as sexual and being wanted. . .you walk into a room and he grips your hair and pulls back your head and kisses you hard and throws you down and ravishes your body—tell me a woman who doesn’t like that? I love that. I don’t want to be taken by just anybody, though, because I suppose that would be rape. But taken by my partner—oh yes, mmm!

Leg Show: From the passion in your voice, this actually sounds like your number one fantasy.

Jane: You know, it probably is, and it seems contradictory to say it, when I really love to dominate.

Leg Show: Well, is your dominance more cerebral and your fantasy of being taken more visceral?

Jane: I think that’s a good way to put it.

Leg Show: Do you feel your dominance, then, more intellectually than physically?

Jane: No. I feel it physically, but I tell you—to be a good dominant you need to be thinking every minute.

Leg Show: You emphasize in your tapes the loving aspects of D&S.

Jane: That’s the most important part. There’s nothing about the darker side—like piercing, pain, or electricity—that appeals to me. That’s clearly S&M.

Leg Show: What also seems to be part of your personal fantasies—and I picked this up through listening to your tapes and paying attention to certain words and phrases—is that you’re very into the idea of the powerful man being subjugated.

Jane: Yes, but it’s not a physical power that I care about. Joe was 5’3” and 125 lbs. soaking wet. He was a very small person, and I think a lot of his own issues had to do with growing up a small male. But his intellect and achievements and personality were the things that made him powerful and that I cared about. I honestly do not care if a man is homely, handsome, bald, or hairy—what makes a man attractive to me is how brilliant he is. I like that edge to a man.

Leg Show: Do you write and direct all the tapes yourself?

Jane: Yes, except for “Strict Mistress Dominates” and “Stilettos on Your Balls” with Mistress Jasmine. Mistress M., who did “He Becomes a She” (a big seller) and “The Naughty Nurse” among others, I work a little differently with; she’ll write a rough draft, but I re-write it so extensively that it’s more mine.

Leg Show: You told me that your customers write you a lot. Do you then try to tailor your tapes to their fantasies?

Jane: I often do. For instance, a man wrote me a fantasy and I put it more or less into “Panty Slave.” The scenario is a man going over to his next door neighbor’s house to borrow something, and she has already seen that he’s got a million women’s panties hanging on his clothesline. Since he doesn’t live with anybody, she knows that they’re his. On the tape, instead of leading him into the kitchen for the cup of sugar he wants to borrow, she leads him into her bedroom and says, “I know your secret.” She makes him go through her lingerie drawer and finger each pair of panties and note what brand and type it is, and then she makes him strip and put on panties. It ends with him looking up her skirt, masturbating himself between her legs, and ejaculating onto the outside of the white nylon panties she’s wearing.

Leg Show: It seems that you’re able to effortlessly mix domination with an affectionate touch.

Jane: Well, it’s important to mention that I’m not a “lifestyle dominant”—I don’t want a man in my life that I call “boy” to run around and do tasks for me. I have NO interest in that whatsoever. I use D&S just as spice in my personal life. I think what this kind of loveplay provides for couples is simply a variation on sex. I’m utterly normal; I’m a professional woman; I raise children; I have a home; I have a lot of interests, and this is just one of them. My sex life is not some sleazy thing—it’s got some unusual components to it, but not any more unusual than anybody else’s—just different.

Leg Show: It’s great that you’re so non-judgmental about all this. How did you get that way? Many women, even into the scene, really look down on men having these fantasies—they like to call men worms because that’s really what they think of them.

Jane: I think it’s because I’ve been through enough crap in life to be universally loving towards people. I come from a loving place. . .l believe everybody has been wounded in some way, and for me it’s created compassion, because I’m no different than anybody else. Plus, define what normal sexuality is! I do not believe there is any such thing. Why in our society is it fine and dandy to rent a tape and watch a man ejaculate all over a woman’s face, but somehow weird and sick for him to kiss and suck her toes?

I’m not here to judge or be a psychologist to people, but rather to make their sex life work for them. Why have some secret wish of dressing up in women’s clothes that cannot be addressed because you feel so much shame about it, when it’s part of you? If it is an erotic element to you, why not use it to your pleasure instead of walking around feeling guilty about it? What’s wrong with a man wanting to wear women’s high heels? We are the way we are sexually because of myriad things, and we can make those things work for us instead of carrying them around as baggage.

Author’s bio:
Interviewer Neil Wexler has also written Vivid Video’s True Confessions of Hyapatia Lee, an explicit story of a dominant-submissive marriage.

Copyright 1994 by Neil Wexler

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