July 2002

Dear Jane,
Please advise me. I am hung up on an older woman who teases me constantly. Anne is a very attractive woman of 52; she started teasing me about four years ago by flashing me her small, attractive tits and erect nipples. Plus, just to rile me up, she wears short shorts, panties, thongs, and bikini bathing suits in front of me.

I'd like to fuck her and she knows it, but she's faithful to the man she's living with. Complicating the situation is that Anne is my supervisor at work.

Teasing affects people in different ways, I guess. I would like to part Anne”s pussy lips (which I've seen) with my tongue and massage her clitoris until she comes and comes—again and again, fucking her senseless.

My wife thinks I'm having an affair with Anne, but I've actually never touched her. My wife continually accuses me—falsely—and that's not fair. I tell her that if I were having an affair with Anne then we as a couple could deal with it, but I am not having an affair. I am Extremely Teased and Falsely Accused.

Gary

Dear Gary,
Correction, baby boy. You are not Extremely Teased and Falsely Accused. You are Playing With Fire and In Denial.

I must be quite strong with you here, Gary. But it's for your own good; I do think you need a strong hand. You remind me of men who “chat” provocatively with women six hours a night and wonder why their wives are upset. You're right—technically you”re not having an affair. But your fixation on Anne is causing damage to other areas of your life.

More than anyone, I know the value of fantasy. It's a healthy diversion. But, as with all appetites, it remains healthy only as long as it's done with some semblance of restraint. You, my pet, are clearly out of control.

Offering advice to you might be about as productive as telling a Mormon not to masturbate, but here goes: Continue and you will surely lose your marriage. And for what . . . for a tease who can cause you to lose your job; pardon me for saying she's clearly already helped you lose your mind. And, believe me, if it hasn't happened in four years, it's clear that Anne will never, ever let you touch her. Get another job. Take your wife on a date. And take up sky-diving—or any hobby that offers both risk and thrill, as this is your wont.

Dear Jane,

I sincerely hope you can help me with a small dilemma. Since I was a young boy, I have been cross-dressing. And it has always been my little secret. One night, after a night of excessive drinking with my sister, she decided to crash at my house and drive home the next day.

We were sitting on the couch, talking about the wild night. And I admit I could not keep my eyes off her beautiful legs and feet. I knew it was wrong, but I was so intoxicated, I didn't care.

I have always had an insatiable shoe and foot fetish, and her feet looked lovely. She has always taken care of her feet, and tonight they were exquisite. She had pink toe nail polish on, and a fresh pedicure. She was wearing white platforms, with six-inch heels—open-toe, open heel. Her legs were draped in suntan pantyhose, and her short skirt was well above her knees.

She said her feet were killing her from dancing all night. I offered to massage her feet and she quickly accepted. As I slid her shoes off, she slid her feet square onto my lap. She was now lying full-length on the couch, and I was facing her, with her gorgeous peds on top of my now-stiff jeans. It was a sweet moment, and she moaned with pleasure, with each stroke of my hand. After about ten minutes, I started to gently kiss her high arches, her smooth heels, and all over her pretty little toes.

She raised her head slightly of the couch and, as our eyes met, she laid her head gently back down. With that look of approval, I was in heaven. Her feet were so beautiful in those silky hose . . .I sucked her toes and gently kissed between each one.

I rubbed her feet all over my face, and my bared chest. When I massaged my sensitive nipples with her silky delights, I almost lost it. I took my cock from my pants and rubbed her feet on each side of my tool. I made love to her feet until I exploded all over her delicious peds. She comforted me and held me in her arms until my normal breathing resumed.

Then and there I confessed to her my love of sexy feet and that I had been cross-dressing since I was a little boy. She understood completely and eased all my fears.

We both agreed that sex between us would be wrong, but we get together regularly to play dress-up. She even buys me sexy clothes and helps me with my make-up and wig selections. She thinks I”m sweet to adore her legs and feet so much. When we're both dressed up pretty, she lets me have my way with her gorgeous feet and legs. It's been a beautiful experience for both of us.

Do you think this is natural and normal, given that she's my sister, or are we in need of counseling? Please help us with some advice. Enclosed are two pics of myself; I hope they're o.k. Thanks for being there, Jane. You're beautiful lying across that desk in the December issue.

"Marsha”

Dear Marsha,

I have to admit that your letter roused suspicion. The extensive detail you provide is akin to fantasy-writing, a craft with which I'm most familiar. And the shoes you describe your “sister” wearing on the night you and she first got together are exactly like the ones you are wearing in the photos you sent. Not only that, but six-inch heels are difficult to stand in, let alone something a woman would wear to dance the night away. So I'm wondering whether your letter is real or if you wrote it as a way to invite me into your fantasy. I'm giving you the benefit of the doubt and am going to answer your letter sincerely. I would no more deprive you of advice than take away your favorite blush. I do love you cross-dressers, you know.

First, don't kid yourself that you're not having sex with your sister. Despite Bill Clinton's effort to change the definition, you are having sex “with that woman” . . . . Whether you get off in her vagina or on her feet, you are being sexual—that is, having an erotic union with her resulting in orgasm. And all that dressing up is foreplay as real as that pretty spaghetti-strap pink satin slip you're wearing in your photos . . . .

Marsha, if you feel that some self-reflection would benefit you, then visit a compassionate and open-minded counselor. My feeling? Fooling around with one's sister”s feet is no more socially acceptable than cross-dressing. So what? As long as you're not kids, married to other people, and don't plan on having a family, go for it. Life is too short to be concerned with society's rules. You have a consenting, apparently loving, relationship. That's more than most can claim. Whether your letter is a fiction of desire or true, enjoy yourself.

Dear Jane,

I was reading your column and saw your advice to this guy called Tiny Tim. He was explaining that, at five inches, he was less-than-average in the manhood department. You confirmed that he was rather tiny at five inches erect. I was just wondering if you were just being sarcastic because he was being paranoid. If not, do you really think that five inches is tiny? It may be on the small side, but isn't it close to average? I am just a hair over five inches erect—like 5 1/8 inches—and thought I was considered average. No way did I think I was tiny. I mean, how would you know, really, with so many surveys out there? If you can give me any insight I'd appreciate it—like, what do you consider medium-large? If women don't care about size, why would you say Tim was Tiny?

Tony

Dear Tony,

My, my precious, please calm down. It is nearly impossible to discuss penis size with anyone who has one. It's as tender a topic as a woman asking a man whether she”s fat: no safe response exists to the query.

I was not being sarcastic in my answer, Tony. I would never, ever be glib about a topic that can so easily shake a man's sense of worth. (Except, of course, when a man's turn-on is precisely the teasing focused upon his minimal endowment.) When I said Tim was rather tiny, I was speaking statistically. You're right that surveys differ. One from the University of California at San Francisco determined that average size of erect penises was 5.1 inches; a Brazilian urologist who measured 150 men reported that their average size was 5.7 inches; the Alfred C. Kinsey Institute for Sex Research reported that average was 6 inches. Given these stats, I was accurate in stating that Tim, at five inches, was on the smaller side.

Please spend less time with the ruler and more developing personality traits such as warmth, kindness, compassion, and listening skills that will speak to women's erotic desires far more than the size of your cock. You'll never be a larger man than you are right now, Tony. Your best bet is to aim to be a bigger man.

Jane is the owner of X-traordinary Talk! and can be found on the Internet at www.xtratalk.com. Ask for Jane”s advice on any aspect of fetish sexuality by e-mailing her at jane@xtratalk.com. “Advice to Boys Who Need It Bad” is a registered trademark of X-traordinary Talk! Please note that Jane”s advice is from the viewpoint of a caring, softly dominant woman; it is not intended to replace professional therapy. All questions are “real,” although may be edited for length.

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