September 2002

Dear Jane,

I am writing today to ask for your advice. I have an uncontrollable urge to wear women’s clothing, especially pantyhose. As I am typing this I am wearing two pairs of black sheer-to-the-waist pantyhose, a small black and white checkered dress that buttons up the front, and a nice pair of black patent leather pumps. My heart is pounding through my chest . . . not to mention my hands are trembling as I type this. I actually have to stop writing at times so that I can run my hands over my thighs and cock, just to calm down. I have even gone so far as to cut out the crotch of the pantyhose to pleasure myself. Will I ever be able to stop?

Your Pantyhose Boy

Dear PB,

Gosh, pretty boy, why would you ever want to? Even I haven’t had a heart-through-the-chest experience such as you describe, not since the day my partner presented me with red spanking panties, effectively and splendidly turning the tables on me.

Look, Pantyhose Boy, there’s nothing wrong with your desire to wear women’s clothing. My own research indicates that such longings begin around age 9 or 10, then intensify with puberty. Nearly all cross-dressers (more than 80%) are heterosexual, and almost 90% are married. These men are “normal” in every way, sweetie, and otherwise quite conventional. They simply have a fondness for women’s clothing. If you feel you are becoming compulsive and your behavior interferes with work and relationships, see a counselor not for the cross-dressing, but for compulsive-obsessive issues.

You’ve found something that really excites you; explore the boundaries of your fantasies. Embrace your longings as you embrace your bared clitty-cock through the torn opening of your pantyhose. Now . . . grease it up for me, my pet, and put your trembling hands to good use.

Dear Jane,

My husband recently introduced me to your web site. It’s fabulous, jam-packed with themes we both love. We are both professionals who work normal hours during the day. During those times when we both are feeling very horny, we have a routine where my husband selects the panties he wants me to wear on a given day. He is instructed to put the panties on me and not to touch me anywhere else. He then takes a mental snapshot of me in the panties, a dangling little promise of what he will enjoy at day’s end.

At the end of our workdays, I greet him at home with a glass of wine and a deep French kiss. I then proceed to reach under my skirt and slide out of my panties.

One whiff of the day’s subtle scent really sends him. Some days are not so subtle, and he still loves it. As I reach for his zipper to release his strain, I engulf his manhood with warm panty in hand. This produces the best erections possible. What a sight, and what fun.

The thing is, I think I have a panty fetish as well. I love the way they look on a nice figure as much as my husband. But I’m not into women per se. Can a woman have a panty fetish? I really want to get my husband into a pair of my panties for an entire day. I, too, love the way he smells. I would be thrilling for me to see and smell him in my panties.

Mandy

Dear Mandy,

I feel as though I could have written your letter myself, so much do I identify. Like you, I also adore beautiful lingerie, on both men and women. While other women at the gym wear those sports bras that fit and look like an Ace bandage, I am enjoying the pleasure of silks and satins as I pump iron . . . I especially love the scent of my lingerie post-gym, as does my partner who prefers other sorts of pumping in response to its fresh, sweaty-female scent.

A fetish is defined as a need for an object or particular body part for sexual responsiveness. Fetishism exists on a continuum. For example, most men experience sexual responsiveness to women’s panties—panties are, after all, a quintessential symbol of femaleness (giving rise to the saying, “panties may not be the best thing on earth but are right up there next to it”). Other men require panties to achieve an erection in the first place; no woman necessary. The difference is context. In the first case, panties are an erotic element in a man’s sexuality; in the second, it’s the item itself, independent whether a woman is present, that provides the charge.

Women are thought to rarely have fetishes, although I’ve seen worn-panty exchanges among lesbians on the Internet. As with men, our desires exist on a continuum, with a contextual component. Women may have a shoe fetish, but it usually exists far down the continuum. We may own dozens of pairs and love collecting ever more, but most of us don’t masturbate with our shoes or have a directly sexual response to our scrumptious collection. Still, in the context of a beautiful dress and an evening out with our lover, a pair of stilettos can contribute to an erotic experience. They tip the pelvis forward, force the arch of our back to deepen, create a beautiful calf, and overall make us feel gorgeous, getting us ready for a sexy encounter . . . . They’re not called come-fuck-me-pumps for nothing.

Other triggers women have that might be considered fetishes . . . . A friend of mine will bed any man who resembles Tom Selleck. Other women are delirious over a man in a uniform (those lucky UPS guys . . .).

I myself am a word junkie. Pity the man who’s gorgeous but can’t express himself—I’m not interested. But if he’s brilliant and can string a few words together to show it, he can have hair growing out of his ears for all I care.

Your thing is panties . . . Although, it may be the context of teasing your lover with them more than the object of panties themselves. But then we don’t know that, do we? After all, your goal is to get him into your panties so that you can breathe in his scent. I have no doubt you will achieve this, sexy woman, for this man is putty in your hand. Then write and let me know how far down—or up—the fetish continuum you enjoyed those sweet-musky naughties of your hubby’s.

Dear Jane,

I’d like to begin by saying I am not making this up. Since I was twelve I’ve been etched with three fetishes: pantyhose, incest, and getting my cock sucked. I cannot have a normal girlfriend for obvious reasons. So I’m pretty good at jerking off. As a matter of fact, that’s what brought this on.

You see, when I was younger, my mom would often “accidentally” manage to press her crotch up against me and hold it there briefly. This would send me running to my room to masturbate. In my room I had a portrait of her from her senior year. VERY lusty looking. I would cum on it then hide it again. Well, one time she was really flashing me and I disappeared into my room. So ten minutes later I was getting ready to cum and she opened the door and caught me. I tried to grab the picture but it was too late. She looked at me and asked if I was really thinking about her. I said I was sorry . . . She said don’t be sorry, the most flattering thing for a woman is for a guy to want to squirt cum on her body. Then I noticed her voice quivering and her nipples were like thimbles . . . it continued from there . . . .

I am so embarrassed. I obsess about this. Am I really mentally ill?

Dear Sweetie,

The taboo against incest has been found in every known culture on earth. Much discussion among social scientists focuses on why incest is supposedly rare, not on whether it really is. Indeed, a fascinating study by Lloyd DeMause in the Journal of Psychohistory, indicates that it is incest itself—not the absence of incest—that has been universal for most people in most places at most times. (Go to www.psychohistory.com to read this fascinating research.)

Mother-son incest may begin after a divorce or death of the father, or by a mother not receiving an adequate amount of affection from her husband. People who commit incest often have suffered from severe lack of love and separate identity in their early childhoods.

It’s common for a victim of incest to feel guilty and bad, as you do, precious. Many men who’ve suffered this egregious transgression of boundaries with a parent feel they seduced their mother. But, unless you raped her, seduction is impossible without the mother’s consent. Teen-agers are often traumatized by sexual advances made by their mothers, resulting in a lack of trust necessary to maintain normal relationships with women when they become adults. It sounds as though this has happened to you.

Sweet boy, we can’t control what our fantasies are. But we can incorporate them into a happy, fulfilling life. You say you can’t have a normal relationship “for obvious reasons.” This isn’t true, if you work at it. Pantyhose and fellatio are also loves you possess, and are more appreciated among women in our culture. When you connect with women, focus on these while you talk out your past with a counselor. And as friendship with a woman deepens, perhaps you’ll become comfortable in broaching the subject of mother-son role play with her. You can have it all, precious—a life with a treasured partner and the fantasies that fuel your desires. Your first job is to explore the past, putting the shame and guilt to rest, so that you can feel comfortable expressing your fantasies in a healthy relationship.

Jane is the owner of X-traordinary Talk! and can be found on the Internet at www.xtratalk.com. Ask for Jane’s advice on any aspect of fetish sexuality by e-mailing her at jane@xtratalk.com. “Advice to Boys Who Need It Bad” is a registered trademark of X-traordinary Talk! Please note that Jane’s advice is from the viewpoint of a caring, softly dominant woman; it is not intended to replace professional therapy. All questions are “real,” although may be edited for length.

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