March 2003

The Drink That Refreshes
Dear Jane,

My wife demands that I suck my semen out of her after sex. She says this is the only way she can get off. She calls me her cum-sucking slave. My question is this: Is there anything unhealthy about swallowing semen out of her and is there a sexual definition for this practice?

Concerned Cum-Sucker

Dear Concerned,

Drink up! Unlike devouring hot fudge sundaes, pearl diving is both delicious and nutritious! (Just be sure you’re both free of STDs.)

Semen is designed to transport 100 million to 500 million spermatozoa—depending on how prolific you are—on their journey through a woman’s plumbing. But the 2-5 milliliters that you shoot is also a rich chemical brine containing testosterone, estrogen, and other hormones: prostaglandins (made in the prostate gland), as well as luteinizing hormone and follicle-stimulating hormones (which won’t do you any good, as these both trigger ovulation). The consistency of the warm white stuff changes almost immediately after release by becoming thicker (nature’s “plug” to keep sperm from dripping from the vagina before insemination).

One research report says male ejaculate may act as an antidepressant. A study in the June 2002 “Archives of Sexual Behavior” showed that women who enjoy sex without condoms are less depressed than those who use condoms; the theory is that semen may contain a chemical that’s an upper. I myself don’t swallow this theory; with or without a sheath, all the women I know bask in post-coital buzz simply because it feels great to get laid.

The same high can be had by obedient boys like you who drink from the sweet butter-boat of their women. Is there a sexual definition for this practice? I believe the closest is in your signature, bad boy. Cheers!

All Strung Up
Dear Jane,

I just finished reading your column in the May issue of Leg Show and I can tell you Bathing Beauty is not alone. I too have a large collection of very skimpy swimwear and underwear and I get quite a thrill wearing them.

Now that I’m 50 years old, I don’t have quite the physique I once did—I was a competition body builder—so I restrict myself to wearing my swimwear to my backyard pool. I have suits from sheer bikinis and g-strings that are two inches wide, to suits that are like a cock ring with strings. These keep me hard as I walk around in my secluded backyard and pool.

I also keep my pubic area shaved smooth. I must say, by mid-summer when I have a dark tan, I look pretty good. I am an exhibitionist and would love for one of my female neighbors to see me, but I am quite satisfied to parade around alone. It is such a turn-on at times I will even masturbate while lying in the hot sun.

At one time my wife also enjoyed wearing very skimpy g-strings on the beach and by the pool. She has gained some weight over the past several years, though, and has lost all interest in dressing up. I do miss the sexy fun we once had when she’d dress in a g-string and heels. Do you have any ideas I could use to convince her she is still sexy?

I also wear one of my extensive collection of g-strings under my everyday work clothing. No one knows I have these things on, but it is still a turn-on for me. WHY? I would love to have sent you photos of myself in one of my smallest g-strings but I don’t have any. That’s another thing I think would be a real turn-on: to pose for some hot photos, in and out of my swimwear. Am I weird because of this?

Mr. G-String

Mr. G,

Remember back to when you were a kid, Mr. G. Do you recall furtively stealing goodies out of the candy bowl reserved for guests when your mom’s back was turned? Remember how the candy tasted all the sweeter for the satisfaction of getting away with something?

Well, that’s how life is for you as you scamper around in your skimpy skivvies. Dressed down like this, you’re reaping the rewards—the reward being that hard-on you sport—of being daring and a little bit naughty. Also, even if the chance is only slight, the prospect of getting caught gives you a feeling of living dangerously, walking on the wild side, even if that wild side is only around your backyard pool.

(It would be interesting to know whether a peacock like you is dominant or has fantasies of submission, erotic humiliation, and embarrassment; you might wish to explore what’s beneath your desire to dress in your little banana boats.)

Under your work clothes the same dynamic is at play; you’re the man who swallowed the canary. . . or, more accurately, has something fluttering like a canary down his pants. You know something no one else knows. And the tease of your secret panties throughout the day is deliciously unbearable, isn’t it? The slide of the fabric, the skimpiness of it, how you have to be mindful of staying “inside” . . . It’s all foreplay.

Is it weird? What’s weird is people who don’t allow themselves to satisfy their innocent desires. To that end, why don’t you and your wife play around with a Polaroid camera? (Keep your ego in check—and let her know you find her attractive—by focusing on taking lots of photos of her at first.) Later, if you’re daring, you might think about professional photos. One man sent me photographs of himself masturbating (to abundant conclusion) taken by a studio photographer; he simply called around until he found one willing to indulge his fantasy.

You also might invite your wife to vacation with you to one of the clothing-optional beaches in California or Florida. Even if she hides under a cover-up, she’ll see that, regardless of the weight she’s gained, she looks better than many women there.

Worst case scenario is that she won’t participate with you. No matter; you’re getting more pleasure than most—and your wife is no doubt getting some of the runoff benefit of her exhibitionist, obviously very horny, pool boy.

Waiting to be Naked
Dear Jane,

I have recently stumbled onto the CFNM sites on the web. They are very erotic and of course all fem-dom has a strong aspect of CFNM, doesn’t it? As a man who is completely enthralled by the complex feelings of being at a woman’s beck and call it seems that being naked and exposed before a group of women is loaded some kind of powerful erotic mojo.

Why does a woman feel power when naked in the presence of a group of clothed men . . . and a man in the same situation—naked in front of women—feel deliciously shamed and exposed in the presence of women? What do you think about my putting a personal ad on one of the CNFM sites?

Your Adoring Pal

Dear Adoring,

Web sites featuring CFNM—an awkward acronym for Clothed Females, Naked Males—are plentiful (go to any search engine and type in CFNM). Photos on these sites show just that—along with a heavy dose of female domination and male submission.

I take issue with your statement, Adoring, that women feel powerful when naked but men feel deliciously shamed in the same condition (note Mr. G in the previous letter, who seems to bask in his naked power). The issue is the power dynamic, not gender: a dominant man can easily bring out the embarrassed-inner-child of a submissive woman by demanding she disrobe.

What gave rise to these sites? Perhaps it’s an extension of the “CFNM” that exists in our society: locker room athletes are interviewed by female reporters, female guards conduct strip searches on male inmates, frat pledges are sometimes forced to strip in front of sorority women.

In CFNM, the role of the dominant female is savored: One site states that CFNM helps women who feel “threatened” by other naked women. “Women compare themselves (with each other),” the site says, “and in CFNM this is not the case. And there is no man ogling other women, either.” Another site says that the joy of CFNM is in “making a man jerk off . . . He has to over-cum his embarrassment. This makes us feel strong and powerful and smug and satisfied.” Another says that in CFNM multiple females gang up and enforce humiliation; they call it “girl power.”

Then there are the games CFNM people play: Rules at a CFNM dirty-dancing disco party dictate that if a man shows signs of arousal, he’s forced to strip and continue dancing. Or, they play “pin the tail on the male” . . . a sort of x-rated pin the tail on the donkey. Blindfolded women grope around with condoms in hand; hard cocks are the target.

Some sites invite personal ads. If you want to play around with CFNM, Adoring, you might give it a try, although I warn you that there are more men willing to be naked than women who want them to be. On one, www.ultimatehandjob.com, men post photos and ads saying they’d be willing to be naked “for women’s enjoyment.”

Women also place ads. My favorite was “Four girlfriends in Germany, 45-52, looking for young male willing to be naked, bound, and gagged on their Party Table. We sit around the table talking, telling dirty jokes, drinking coffee, and eating. At the end of the party we give a handjob to the victim and let him drink his own cumjuice. Party goes two hours.”

In doing research on search engines, I found—and felt—for a company called CFNM Construction & Roofing . . . Although, with the Internet, you never know; perhaps the guys at this company have found a market niche: they show up ready to roof, naked.

The Scoop on Sluts
Dear Jane,

The guys in shipping talk about women in pretty lewd terms, including my wife. I guess because she wears short skirts, high heels, and tight tops she is a frequent topic of conversation. Some of the guys call her a slut. I think she’s hot. Would you call a woman who shows off her assets a slut? Hearing these guys talk, though, sometimes I wonder if she is a slut . . . . Is she?

Wondering

Dear Wondering,

A slut is not determined by manner of dress; it’s about her behavior. Want a technical definition? A slut is someone who sleeps with all the guys (in contrast with a bitch, which is a woman who sleeps with all the guys except for you).

Women who dress provocatively are either sluts, women hungry to sexually surrender to men—or they’re teases, giving a man just enough to turn him on, but no more. The former is submissive, the latter dominant.

Is your wife truly a slut—or just a tease? I guess that depends on what—if anything—she’s receiving during her lunch hour.

Jane is the owner of X-traordinary Talk! and can be found on the Internet at www.xtratalk.com. Ask for Jane’s advice on any aspect of fetish sexuality by e-mailing her at jane@xtratalk.com. “Advice to Boys Who Need It Bad” is a registered trademark of X-traordinary Talk! Please note that Jane’s advice is from the viewpoint of a caring, softly dominant woman; it is not intended to replace professional therapy. All questions are “real,” although may be edited for length.

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