May 2003

Clothes Make the Man the Girl
Dear Jane,

Thanks for giving me inspiration to explore my cross-dressing fantasies. If we do reincarnate, I want to come back as a beautiful woman.

I recently started seeking someone to share my thoughts and feelings about my cross-dressing. Really, it’s very difficult to know where to turn. I went on the Internet looking to find someone to give me a makeover, help me get dressed up and photograph me. (I know that with a little help I could bring out the very sexy feminine side of myself.)

So I called a tranny website and I was told that if I really want to get into cross-dressing, I would have to hang out at gay clubs. This really bummed me out. I don’t think I’m gay. I do have a fantasy of getting a make-over from head to toe—pedicure and painted fingernails, then meet a cute, unsuspecting guy and give him the foot job of his life.

Do I need to hang out at gay clubs to realize this dream of mine? How else might I get a makeover?

Frank

Dear Frank

Pish posh! You need a gay club like a fish needs a bicycle—or, should I say, like a boy in a tight skirt needs a Harley. Why? Because the vast majority of cross-dressers are heterosexual. (Due to the fact that you boys remain closeted—however nicely stocked a closet it is—no one has accurate stats on how many of you there are or what percentage of cross-dressers are gay; one researcher estimates that approximately ten percent of cross-dressers are homosexual.)

All sexuality exists on a spectrum, Frank. Very few are entirely heterosexual or entirely homosexual. Even over our lifetimes we can fluctuate. Cross-dressing is a way you get to explore where your sexuality is now, sweetie. It’s a gift . . . you are one of the lucky men who gets to free himself from the bondage of that pesky male ego. By changing your outerwear, you get to access an entirely different aspect of yourself. Now, let’s get down to girl business . . .

At least fifty places exist in the U.S. where you can get made over. Go to www.tgnow.com to view a list of places throughout the country, including one called “fakeovers,” a virtual makeover. Your local alternative newspaper also may have ads for women who provide this service. To get an idea of transformation services and their costs, visit www.myfemspirit.bigstep.com, which describes makeover services, including an incredible 3-day bridal extravaganza in Las Vegas just for cross-dressers. At www.draag.com you’ll find info on makeovers in Vancouver, including the names of local hotels in which to stay during your visit there.

Some transformation studios provide clothing; others don’t. If you want to shop now (and what girl in her right mind doesn’t?), start where it all begins, big boy: between the legs. Pick up a gaff or two at Classic Curves www.clcrv.com as well as a nicely padded butt-enhancing panty. Everything about wigs you’ll ever need is at www.wilshirewigs.com. And www.crossdress.net has first-rate breast forms that fit like a bra, handmade latex vaginas with a urinary feature, stockings, and other quality items.

By now you can see that beauty doesn’t come cheap’and it’s not always comfortable, either. But it’s worth it. Don’t ever forget the first tenet of being a woman: it’s more important to look good than to feel good. To find shoes any girl would covet (up to size 14), check out www.bananashoes.com. I have a tv friend here in San Francisco who showed up one day in a leather lace-up miniskirt and fishnets from www.pierresilber.com and I was so turned on that I nearly crawled up his/her skirt.

One of my favorite transgender sites is www.girltalkmag.com which provides just that: girl-talk on everything from counsel on eye shadow, shaping your brows, and de-furring your body to personal advice and women the transgender community wants to emulate. It’s a first-class site and a great resource for places to buybuybuy (what’d I tell you about the expense?). To master the lilt of a feminine voice, go to www.heartcorps.com/journeys.

Not all cross-dressers like to venture out. But if you’re a Cinderella who doesn’t want to sit alone at home, go to www.ifge.org for a listing of events in North Carolina, Arkansas, Oregon, and nearly everywhere else. Explore the spiritual side of transgender issues at the very fine www.transpirits.org. www.tgsf.org has a good list of transgender resources: seminars such as How to Put on Make-Up, news of socials, vendors, newsgroups, etc. Most are based in San Francisco, but not all. www.cdspub.com has publications, DVDs, and notices of getaway weekends for cross-dressers.

The fairy godmother of all cross-dressers is, of course, Miss Vera (whom you’ve seen featured in Leg Show). Miss Vera’s Finishing School for Boys Who Want to Be Girls in New York is legendary. Visit www.missvera.com or pick up her latest book, Cross-Dress for Success, which offers expert tips on all aspects of the art of transvestism including the importance of your girl-name, how lipstick can save the world, the mindset of the female, a good resource guide, and more. Learn at Miss Vera’s knee and you, too, can look fabulous. (For our friends in Europe, Mrs. Silk’s in London is another classic make-over studio.)

Good luck, Frank. The next time you write me, you’ll be asking how all the rent money could possibly have gone to indulging your feminine wiles. Not to worry, sweetie. As your inner girl knows, those who say money can’t buy happiness don’t know where to shop.

Showing Off
Dear Jane,

My wife Devon and I both enjoy your business, X-traordinary Talk! And we both thank you for your column in Leg Show.

Devon is a very liberal, sexual woman. In my dream world this was always the type of wife I wanted. Our sex life is the best. We read Leg Show together and it turns us both on. We are secure in each other and we have no jealousies. We are not offended by sexual material.

Devon is 29, a career woman, very successful, as I am. Both of us hold master’s degrees. In our time away from work, Devon likes to exhibit herself much like the models in Glimpse. Not only the panty shows—but also good breast shows. She never wears a bra except for work. Devon has a very hot body.

Jane, Devon loves doing these shows and I love her doing them also. It is a thrill to see reactions—this enhances our sex with each other.

Devon’s best friend tells her this is wrong to do. Not from the safety point of view, but as a show of disrespect to me, as her husband, as well as to her marriage vows. Her exhibition will never result in infidelity (we don’t think) but her best friend says men should not be allowed to enjoy her, since she is married and not free.

We both would like to hear your opinion on this. Devon says if we both enjoy this, then it’s o.k. Just as in bed with me, she has absolutely NO limits, no boundaries—we’ve done it all. We have had sex vaginally, orally, anally, between her breasts, manually, with feet, under her arms. She has swallowed me hundreds of times. Devon is a far cry from what my mom would call a lady. Yet, socially, she is a lady.

Please give us your opinion. We feel you are fair, professional, honest, and sincere. We’ve agreed to abide by your decision. Thank you.

Charlie

Dear Charlie,

Sex is nobody’s business but that of the three people involved. . . .

It doesn’t matter what her best friend—or I—think. However, since you ask . . . .

Why is it that in the name of commerce exhibitionism is embraced? When an actress at the Oscars presents herself in a gown cut down to there, leaving little to the imagination, we envy her as we leer at her. Then we go out and buy a knock-off the next week. And why is it generally o.k. for a woman to strut her stuff, but not a man? A man in a skimpy swim suit is a perv . . . but for women . . . well, the skimpier the better, eh?

Carry Devon’s friend’s argument to its logical conclusion: Devon (and all lovely women) should wear floor-length skirts to avoid turning a man on with her beautiful legs. And, of course, no more make-up, especially come-kiss-me red lipstick. In fact, perhaps a veil over Devon’s face would ensure that Devon isn’t enticing another, and thus disrespecting her marriage vows. Oh, dear me . . . there actually are societies trying these very means of “protecting” women from the big bad wolves out there. And they don’t work.

Devon’s exhibitionism and your enjoyment of others glimpsing the show is your and Devon’s foreplay. You have mutually negotiated your boundaries and very much enjoy your play. Devon’s flashing is not an invitation to other men for a relationship with her. It’s a tease that’s entirely on Devon’s terms. She’s clearly calling the shots in her game . . . . Shots that provide quite a wonderful view, it appears.

No Strings Attached?
Dear Jane,

I’m a college student and this is a scholastically motivated contact. I myself am a single guy; I’m not in a relationship. But say I’m on an outing and I get a proposal from someone to have a no-strings-attached sexual encounter. Is there such a thing as a “no-strings-attached” encounter? Thanks for whatever help you can give me.

James

Dear James,

Having sex with no strings attached is about as possible as eating dessert with no calories attached.

As a young teen-ager, I used to dream about some day having my own “zipless-fucks” a la my heroine, Erica Jong. Alas, I learned that such notions make for better reading than doing—at least in my case. I just can’t get worked up about a man unless there’s some mind-juice there. Ultimately, it’s the strings that make it all interesting.

Maybe another person can do it no-strings-attached. In such an encounter, there’s an implicit understanding that you both are disease-free and that neither will post news of the dalliance over the World Wide Web. Are we so trusting? The seventies were a long time ago . . . and, even then, we had to consider consequences.

One other thing: I believe there’s always an exchange of more than body fluids when we bump up naked against another person—a giving of a piece of ourselves and taking, psychically if not emotionally. Well, I guess I shouldn’t say “always” . . . if you’re fucking a completely unfeeling, unthinking but trustworthy and very beautiful bimbo, sweetie, I congratulate you on this . . . and all your scholastic achievements.

Jane is the owner of X-traordinary Talk! and can be found on the Internet at www.xtratalk.com. Ask for Jane’s advice on any aspect of fetish sexuality by e-mailing her at jane@xtratalk.com. “Advice to Boys Who Need It Bad” is a registered trademark of X-traordinary Talk! Please note that Jane’s advice is from the viewpoint of a caring, softly dominant woman; it is not intended to replace professional therapy. All questions are “real,” although may be edited for length.

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