September 2003

Dear Jane,

Jane, I am writing to you because you say it the way it is. My question is, Can a woman urinate when I am having oral sex with her? I felt something running down my cheeks and it was salty. This woman and I have great sex together. I spend a lot of time with foreplay, both with my tongue and a palm vibrator. I suck on her pussy, find every crevice I can lick . . . and then I stick two fingers in her and find the secret spot where she moans and after about five minutes of that I eat her again .. and that’s when I get the salty liquid. It’s great. What is it?

Jim

Dear Jim,

You have dared ventured where few men have dared go: to the land of the G-spot. “Discovered” by a German gynecologist by the name of Ernst Grafenberg in the ’40s and named for him in 1982, the G-spot has inspired puzzlement and controversy.

It’s currently thought that only 10 to 40 percent of women are able to have an orgasm through stimulation of this place. It’s not actually a “spot,” but an area on the anterior side of the vagina—that is, if a woman is lying on her back, it’s the top.

It’s not the oral sex you’re giving her that’s stimulating her G-spot (unless you have an exquisitely long tongue), but the two fingers you slip inside her.

Is the G-spot orgasm urine? It’s still being debated, but here’s the latest thinking: If it’s a small amount of liquid that comes, it could be emanating from the woman’s equivalent of a prostate gland (yes, we have them, too, and they live by the G-spot). If it’s a lot of liquid, it is probably from the urethra—yes, the bladder. However, It’s not pee, but a clear, odorless, colorless liquid full of chemicals of arousal. A hormone that causes us to want to pee—aldosterone—is produced when we’re aroused. (That’s why a lot of women get up to pee immediately after sex.) So . . It’s not urine, but no one quite knows what it is.

The orgasm is different from a clitoral orgasm, any more than the one we have from a “quickie” is different from those hard-won climaxes from prolonged head . . . It’s simply another type.

Scientists who get to study this stuff, report that the size of the G-spot glands varies greatly. Women with a large gland and well-toned pelvic muscles can really gush. A man just exploring this territory will want to have his lover on her back in front of him. He’ll place one or two fingers inside her vagina and rub the top side. How does he know he’s got the right place? He’ll feel something like a bunch of tiny grapes—and it will swell as it’s stimulated.

Lesbians were the first to talk about the G-spot; they reported it happens easily during fisting.

Check out this site www.doctorg.com/WhatGirlsAreGushingAbout.htm. It’s got a great photo of three women gushing together and more details about this type of orgasm. Spurting . . . Hey, it’s not just for boys anymore!

Dear Jane,

When I was around 12 or 13, I used to pretend a towel was a diaper and lie on the bathroom floor (locked) and pretend to wet like a bad little boy. It felt so good. When I was 20, I was in a customer’s house (for work) and it turns out she was a dominatrix. In her bedroom (measuring for my job) I saw baby items in her closet. Pacifier, powder. She walked in and smiled but neither of us said anything. My heart was pounding.

As an adult, I haven’t acted any of this out . . . I’m 40 now. A dream I had recently brought these memories up. In the dream, a woman climbed the stairs to my bedroom and diapered me, reprimanding me in a sensual but serious tone.

The next morning, I threw the diapers out; I didn’t realize I was so fascinated by this fantasy. This morning, I stood in my bathroom in my jeans and wet myself. God . . this is so seductive.

I think there is a little boy in training pants in me needing to be spanked and put back into a diaper. The eroticism this tempts me with is irresistible. I will do whatever you say. Thank you for answering me. Sign me,

Baby

Dear Baby,

Clinging to symbols of childhood is not uncommon: many of us have a few stuffed animals or collect toys. Go to the nightgown section of a women’s department store; you’ll see flannel pajamas for sale, complete with feet and a drop seat (you won’t see this in the men’s pajama section, however; it’s more socially acceptable for women to possess symbols of childhood than for men to).

Infantilists—people who get off on acting out the role of a baby—are not clinging to symbols of childhood but eroticizing childishness and the helplessness of being a baby. (This is completely different from pedophilia, which is about eroticizing children. Infantilism is a consensual adult relationship in which one partner acts the role of a baby.) What you are seeking, Baby, is a dominant woman to play the role of your “mommy” while you express your inner baby, obviously the submissive role.

With a woman who knows nothing of this sweet fetish, it’s not easy broaching a desire of wanting to be pinned into a diaper and nursed. Most haven’t heard of it and don’t understand the tender loving need for devoted attention that is at its core. Also, most women claim they don’t want to mother the men in their lives. (Actually, many women complain they already mother the men in their lives; the diaper is just a technicality!)

However, if you’re quiet, you’ll hear the wails of adult babies getting spanked and diapered right now, in cyberspace. The Internet allows you to play out your fantasies anonymously as well as with others who understand your desires.

Probably the oldest group, in existence many years prior to its Internet presence, is Diaper Pail Friends www.dpf.com. This site, a bit perfunctory for my taste, is a vast resource for providing info on baby items in big sizes and meeting other diaper-lovers (both gay and straight) online. You’ll be happy to know it also features a babysitting service and has a listing of women interested in meeting men they can coo over.

A more fun site, featuring a naughty-boy punishment dimension to babying a grown man, is www.hubbies.com. Aunt Susan runs this site “for naughty big baby and mommy,” although no live babysitting service is offered. For $29.95 a month, you can see mommy-baby video downloads of diapering, spanking, and sissifying, follow audio sessions, read over 100 stories, and view some sexy photos of men being babied by Aunt Susan and her friends. Powder yourself, slip on your diaper, Baby, then listen to Aunt Susan’s “punishment nursery sounds.” Or, as you’re sucking on the nipple of your bottle of warm milk, meet the online nursery staff and read “His New Mommy” magazine. This site is a sister to Whap!, the wonderful group who founded the “Women Who Apply Punishment” magazine (which continues to live on online).

Yahoo! Groups is another place to look for your mommy—or at least connect with other men in the same adult baby boat. These groups are free; members discuss every facet of being a big baby. One group has 1900 members; some have loads of photos.

Don’t throw out your diapers next time you use them to your erotic thrall, baby boy. But why buy the ones for adults? You’re a baby, after all! In order to fit into actual baby diapers, Baby, go to dpf.com . . . they tell you how to extend Huggies baby diapers and Huggies Pull-Ups so that they fit. Wow! You’re a big kid now!

Dear Jane,

I’ve been seeing a woman for about three months now. I like pretty much everything about her: she’s great-looking, has good legs, and we’re compatible sexually. I actually felt comfortable enough with her to let her know how much I love flashing—little peeks of the tops of stockings, a bra strap, maybe a flash up her skirt of her panties from across the room.

At first, I thought she dug giving me little flashes. But now, it’s become less fun. First she entices me to look, then makes me feel really bad for doing it by making comments about what a pervert I am for looking!

I don’t want to be a jerk about this . . . I’ve never had a girlfriend who’s indulged me with my little flashing fetish; I guess I’m wondering why this isn’t fun, like in my fantasies of it or like in pictures in Leg Show! How should I handle this? And is there something wrong with me for liking this?

Tormented

Dear Tormented,

What you want is a flirty little tease. What you have is a man-hating prick-tease, also known by the scientific term of cock-tease.

The tease you’re looking for is a woman who loves to participate in the fun of your flashing desires. This flirty woman loves knowing what it is that turns you on and adores giving it to you because it’s fun for her, too. It gives the teaser pleasure and excitement to “torment” in a way that’s mutually pleasurable—it turns her on, too. The teaser knows the power of the tease . . . and exerts her power. But, like the Good Witch Glinda, she does so to do good in the world, not evil.

A prick tease has a malicious intent. She actually wants to hurt and humiliate you. I think prick teases are driven by anger toward men. Her pleasure comes from exerting “evil” power over her subject, knowing his “thing” and using it to inflict emotional pain.

I have a Yahoo! Group devoted to tease and the subject of prick teases came up in March; to see a few sorry tales about men’s experiences with them, visit groups.yahoo.com/group/uncoveringtease/. It’s free and you’ll see you’re not alone. My study of tease is focused on the positive, consensual, mutually stimulating aspects of tease. Everyone is invited to visit; I would love to see some bad boys from Leg Show drop by.

In the meantime, Tormented, drop this bitch. Women who appreciate the sexual power inherent in a sweet little tease will delight in flashing you. The woman you’re with is clueless—and, sad for her—will never know the rewards of pleasing a man thusly.

Jane is the owner of X-traordinary Talk! and can be found on the Internet at www.xtratalk.com. Ask for Jane’s advice on any aspect of fetish sexuality by e-mailing her at jane@xtratalk.com. “Advice to Boys Who Need It Bad” is a registered trademark of X-traordinary Talk! Please note that Jane’s advice is from the viewpoint of a caring, softly dominant woman; it is not intended to replace professional therapy. All questions are “real,” although may be edited for length.

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