July 2004

One Last Fantasy Before Marriage
Dear Jane,

I’m a white male in my early twenties. I’m conservative in appearance and majoring in pre-law. I’m engaged to be married on Labor Day.

My unrequited fantasy is to be given a good, long cock-stiffening view of beautiful, bouncy-bottomed babes like the lovely ladies of Leg Show as I’m being escorted into an escape-proof environment. Once there, pursuant to the directives of an older male, I’m ordered to drop my pants to my ankles, and informed that I will be turned into a teary-eyed girl. Once transformed, I am told to bend over, lift my skirt, and given a series of stingingly severe swats with a thick wooden paddle across my sexy little-girl bum.

A female acquaintance of mine who’s a therapist suggests that I live out this fantasy one time before marriage and that doing so will make me a better husband.

What do you think? If yes, do you know of any females who are professional disciplinarians specializing in male/female paddlings witnessed by amused female spectators?

Respectfully,
A boy? A girl? Who really needs it bad.

P.S. Please publish my address and telephone number.

Dear Confused,

It’s as unrealistic to think you’ll be able to engage in “one last fantasy” (there’s only one??) before marriage as to have one last masturbation session before tying the knot. Our appetites—and our psyches—don’t let us off the hook so easily. As much as we might want to, we cannot engage in acts as integral to our being as are our sexual fantasies and be permanently satisfied, never again to think about them, dream of them, or want them. Indeed, once you act out this long-held fantasy, bad boy, your appetite is more likely to be whetted than whittled.

Hence, checking it off your to-do list before Labor Day—along with renting your tux and shining your shoes—will not make you a better husband. Only a more frustrated one. And likely, once the blush is off the rose in your new marriage, a secretive one who tries to get his needs met behind his bride’s back.

One possible way to get your fantasy fulfilled, darling, is considered by far too few men: asking the woman who loves them. What about being a big boy, sweetheart, and talking with your beloved about your need to be dominated? If you feel you can’t, perhaps she isn’t the right mate for you. As a fallback, you could contact a dominatrix who would be happy, for a price, to satisfy you, even fleshing out your fantasy with a cast of characters as required. Please consider the dominatrix option your last resort, though, not first.

As you ponder this, big boy, think about whether in fact you are ready for marriage at all. Men in committed relationships don’t usually invite publication of their address and phone number. You know, marriage is a great institution and all, but are you ready for an institution? Or, put another way: If you marry without disclosing your secrets to your fiancée, for you marriage will be not a word but a sentence.

Mommy Dearest
Dear Jane,

I have a fantasy which I wanted to tell you about, to see what you would have to say about it. If it’s normal or weird.

My fantasy deals with my mother. I don’t want to carry these fantasies to reality, but they do help when I masturbate.

I’m 20 now and for the past six years I’ve been masturbating to images and thoughts of my mom. That’s not the only thing I jack off to, though, just to let you know.

I’ve peeked in at times when she’s dressing or about to go into the shower. I also have taken secret photos of her when she’s getting into or out of the shower.

I then use these photos to masturbate to. I think of her in her panties and bra, then slipping out of them and being nude. Also, I think of her jacking me off until I cum. Sometimes I think of eating her pussy till she cums. I would love for her to give me a blowjob—in my thoughts, I mean, I would like this.

Like I said before, I don’t want this to become reality, but it turns me on so much to think of this and to masturbate to it.

Is this OK or not??

Thanks, Jane.
J. D.

Hi, sweet baby. If Dr. Freud was correct, your fantasies are shared by virtually all young boys. It’s just that yours have lingered longer than most. The good doctor believed that during the phallic phase of psychosexual development, from about age 3 to 5 or 6, a boy becomes aware of the pleasure-giving possibilities of his penis and experiences sexual fantasies about his mother. This stage is followed by a latency period and finally, with puberty, the beginning of the adult genital phase when a growing sense of personal independence and autonomy occurs and a young man establishes a meaningful heterosexual relationship.

Is this fantasy OK? Yes. All fantasies are OK. No matter what they are, our fantasies do not make us weird, perverted, or sick. Fantasies live within the safe, cozy realm of our mind, a sacrosanct place that deserves privacy and respect. While your fantasies happen to collide with our society’s taboos, believe me that virtually anyone’s fantasy life, if broadcast to the world, would arouse surprise and horror.

However. Taking photos of a woman—any woman—without her knowledge and consent is wrong. Ditto sneaking peeks of her. Fantasies are one thing; acting on nonconsensual acts is—besides being really creepy—an egregious violation of another person. You are essentially stalking your own mother. Don’t do this.

My hunch is that your interaction with women is very limited; you may even still be a virgin. Nothing’s wrong with either; you just need to get out more, baby boy. Move out of your mother’s house and find a social life. While you may always hold a fondness for your current fantasies, as you start to date you will find that other women you meet are quite serviceable substitutes for masturbation and thoughts of mom.

Her Very Own Sexy Little Slut
Hi Jane,

I’m asking for your expertise in an area you know a great deal about: turning a man into a sexy little slut.

I’ve been married 14 years and this is a first for me; I’ve never made anyone my slave. But I can’t wait to do this with my husband and I think he would love it. Spanking and female domination videos always get him aroused. We always have our best sex after watching these types of flicks. Besides, I think he’s tried on some of my undies anyway. I have found them in places I didn’t leave them. Maybe he’s sloppy, or maybe he WANTS to get caught.

I would love to dress my husband up in a bra and panties and make a sexy little slut out of him. I have long fantasized about strapping on a dildo and making him my bitch, so to speak.

My question is: How do I approach him to do this? Do I ask him playfully to put them on—or do I lay out a garter belt and stockings and ask him to be my sissy for the evening? What approach usually works best? We’ve never done this before but I can wait no longer to try.

Thanks.
Hilde

Dear Brunhilde,

If you and he have your best sex after viewing spanking and fem dom videos, he’s definitely ready for a mistress of his own: you. Clearly, you know him—and his naughty little secrets. If it inspires your own libido then, by all means start by laying out a garterbelt and stockings.

However, as for asking him whether he’d like to play. . . The first rule of effective female domination is never, ever ask. We don’t ask, doll, we tell. You’ll be telling him exactly how, when, and what. Domination is all about attitude. Even though you may not know exactly what you’re doing at first, act as if you do and never, ever ask whether he’d like to do something. Mark my words: he’ll be eating out of your hand (or anywhere else you have in mind) before he gets his first garter fastened.

Look. All sex involves an exchange of power. In soft female domination—what you’re describing here—you assume the power. Just remember that when he assumes the submissive role, your husband is more naked and more vulnerable to you than he ever will be in his life. Respect that. Treat him sternly, but with love and push his limits gently.

Over time your sexy little slut will come to be utterly powerless in your sessions together, but he’ll be safe in that powerlessness because you love him and would never break trust by abusing him or pushing limits before he’s ready. His being the slave is not about his being weak. Ideally, each of you is strong enough to stand independent of one another; you play D&S because it’s a mutual turn-on.

As far as what you two might do together, your imagination is your only limit, Hilde. If you start with the garterbelt and stockings, you could spend the evening with him as a slave who services you. On another occasion, you might confront him in mock anger with a pair of panties you found in a place you know you didn’t leave them. Tease him with the panties by waving them in his face. Make accusations of what he did with said panties—did he masturbate with them or wear them? Issue threats of sexual deeds he must perform to redeem himself such as parade around in front of you wearing the panties, showing you how he loves to stroke the outside of the silky fabric while he wears them over his big fat cock.

Speaking of which . . . Men have an amazing barometer of their excitement. As you tease and torment him, check it frequently to make sure you’re on a track that turns him on.

After your sessions, talk. Communication is conducive to mutual understanding as well as cooking up all sorts of future creative mischief together.

Forget about costuming and implements for now. I played tennis for years because I loved the clothes, particularly the ruffled panties, but I never had a sincere passion for the game. A truly dominant woman doesn’t need the clothes to affect the attitude; she has innate power and it comes through no matter what. Get on your old torn bathrobe, if you want, and go to it, woman. I have the feeling you’re a natural.

Bending Over For His Birthday
Dear Mistress Jane,

I grew up on the streets of Chicago where I was called Baby Huey, because I was big for my age. By the time I reached puberty the moniker was perfect for me because I had a Baby Huey package, too, if you know what I mean.

Around age 12, my sister-in-law would paint my finger- and toenails whenever I went to her house. I loved the attention. One time, when I was 18 or 19 I went over there and she was with a girlfriend of hers having coffee. When I walked through the door, the two women—Shirley and Joan—told me to get down on my knees and suck their toes. This was great with me; at that age I thought I was king and could get away with anything. Boy was I wrong. The women ended up strapping me to the bed face down where they took turns fucking me in the ass with a vibrator.

I pretty much had forgotten this incident when, a few months ago, I rented an adult video in which a guy who had the hots for his wife’s boss got his wagon fixed by the two women. In the video, the man was forced to lie down and ordered to clean his wife’s boss’s pussy while his wife spanked his ass, then lubed it up and penetrated him. By the end of the story, the man was forced to sit with a butt plug in his ass as he watched the two women having sex.

This video made me start thinking about Shirley and Joan again. I’m single, about to turn 50 years old, and I want the experience they provided me as a birthday gift to myself. I know I might have a screw loose but I want it anyway.

Please write or phone me immediately so I can have a really happy birthday.

Your devoted slave,
Hubert

Dear Baby Huey,

Your idea of a great birthday, Baby H, beats a party at Chuck E. Cheese by a mile. The rub is that, unless Shirley and Joan are around and as randy as they were thirty years ago, this bash may cost you serious money. Also, you need to remember that your memory of that time with Shirley and Joan is as powerful as it is for you is because it happened spontaneously—as well as in your youth. Also, our memories tend to embellish past experiences.

I’m not trying to discourage you, Huey. You only live once, sweet baby, and the half-century mark is a milestone best marked, in your case, by this most memorable, shall we say, birthday spanking. Don’t live with a “what if” in your life, precious. Look on the Internet or in local sex magazines, interview dominatrices very carefully so that they understand you seek pleasurable and playful anal sex—and not abuse. Then start hanging paper streamers, Birthday Boy, ‘cuz you’re gonna have a party!

Jane Vargas holds a Ph.D. in Human Sexuality and is the owner of X-traordinary Talk! She can be found on the Internet at www.xtratalk.com. Ask for Jane’s advice on any aspect of fetish sexuality by e-mailing her at jane@xtratalk.com. “Advice to Boys Who Need It Bad” is a registered trademark of X-traordinary Talk! Please note that Jane’s advice is from the viewpoint of a caring, softly dominant woman; it is not intended to replace professional therapy. All questions are “real,” although may be edited for length.

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