October 2004

She Holds the Key to His Pleasure
Dear Jane,

Since its inception, I've been thoroughly entertained by your column in Leg Show. I don't know of anyone who brings the same broadminded acceptance to matters of erotica with such intelligence, style, and grace.

My question revolves around sexual tease, something I've been a fan of since my teen years. Now, however, at 46, I have come to understand tease—and accompanying denial—as a means of attaining sexual bliss. My journey to this understanding was much helped by the current woman in my life.

I began dating this woman, Nancy, about a year after a painful divorce. She's an informed, adventurous nurse practitioner. The transition from being single and pleasing myself to giving pleasure to a steady partner was difficult. It began the afternoon Nancy caught me with my pants down below my knees watching a hot DVD in front of my PC monitor, hands busy.

Nancy was furious and immediately took control. First, she announced that masturbation for any man in a steady relationship is selfish and would not be tolerated as long as we were seeing each other. Second, she announced that the remedy would be a male chastity belt.

Soon after that a device arrived in the mail that has changed my life. The CB2000 is a device that, when worn, prevents me from pleasuring myself or even from having an erection. Not only does Nancy insist I wear it, she keeps the key that unlocks it, making sure that she's present for any occasion that I do experience pleasure.

My girl now owns my penis and literally possesses the key to my sexual gratification. After one week "on the belt,” I began to understand the power of tease and denial like never before. Most nights and weekends I wait anxiously for the time when SHE decides it's playtime. Saturdays at breakfast she is merciless. She cooks while wearing nothing but sheer little panties, then sits on my lap, offering me her tender breasts. Other times she announces that it's time for a bath . . . That's when the belt is removed. She'll soap me up to a full erection, but then promptly rinse and dry me and put the belt back on, leaving me in a delirium of desire.

Of course, Nancy also enjoys my bottomless appetite for her pussy as she allows me the favor of satisfying HER needs. The end result invariably is a bad case of blue balls and some general anxiety. But, I have to admit, it hurts so good. I've never suffered so sublimely. After repeatedly teasing me for weeks on end, my girlfriend finally offers me a slow, dramatic release after which I feel like I've fallen from a ten-story building—I mean that in a good way.

Can there be any danger in chronically creating arousal in men and then denying release? I have read that it can create a "congestion” in the glands such as the prostate and therefore be detrimental to good health. Anything to this?

Blue in Boston

Dear Blue,

Bless the Victorians. In the 19th century those kinksters patented the earliest chastity belt for men, a device that kept filthy-minded boys from the self-abuse of masturbation. They believed that this act caused otherwise healthy men to become (at the very least) careless, negligent, and listless.

Some women today still believe this. Which could be why 90 percent of the chastity devices made and sold currently are for men.

The anti-erection, anti-orgasm devices can be divided into two lots: belts and tubes. Belts are made much like female chastity belts, with a waist band, a piece that threads between the legs, and two chain-links that snake diagonally up each butt cheek. The male version has a metal sheath built in that covers the penis. Measurements for this device, usually constructed in rust-proof stainless steel with plastic coating or rubber for wearing comfort, have to be exact. These belts are almost always works of art—and, like works of art, are costly: they start at around $500.

Tubes are made either of metal or plastic. An erection in them is not possible because their interior is too small. The one you“re wearing, Blue, the CB2000, made of polycarbonate, is a cock cage and held on by a ring through which the scrotum and penis are threaded. Unlike belts, yours is an off-the-shelf item that comes with different sizes of rings to fit most men. It's easy to use and easy to clean and costs around $130. And because it comes with plastic locks as well as metal ones, it has advantages for recalcitrant husbands as they encounter airport security.

The most interesting chastity device I know of is Mistress Lori's Penis Tube, held on with a frenum piercing in the penis (also known as a Prince Albert). I said it was interesting, not pain-free. You provide Lori with certain dimensions, she makes it for you and it fits on with a pin going through both the tube and – yes – the piercing. Talk about a powerful incentive not to get frisky. This one is more noticeable under clothes than the others noted. It costs around $200.

As if the chastity device itself doesn't provide enough possibilities for erotic humiliation, you can also buy from Lori a silicon sheath that fits over it like a condom. The sheath is too thick to transmit any sensation to the wearer. . . Ahhh, no wonder Mistress Lori's Penis Tube won the ’Demonic Device” award of the year from www.kinkyconsumer.com! By the way, this site is a wonderful resource on these and other chastity devices and gives many more details, including the importance of keeping them clean, which ones you can pee in standing up (most you can't), and more.

What makes these Medieval-looking devices sexy? You are sharing mental stimulation and desire. Not only that but withholding stimulation (withholding while dangling the promise of it) increases desire. Playing with power like this is the ultimate aphrodisiac. It doesn't matter which party has it, it's simply the fact that one or the other has it and uses it in such creative ways that's heady.

You give an example of this yourself, Blue. You note that when you were single, you jerked off anytime you wanted. Now that you're with Nancy, you're not sure when you'll be jerking off. She might want to stimulate you in the kitchen while wearing skimpy panties and dangle the tease of relief to come. Or not. You've found that self-stimulation that you used to take for granted is more interesting when shared.

But your relationship is relatively new; this woman's only just begun. What's to come is limited only by Nancy's imagination. She might enlist her friends as her "assistants” in her mission to get you aroused. Or—if you have a specific job such as always opening the door for her and you fail to do one night when you're out with friends—she might just look you piercingly in the eye, raise an eyebrow, and smile sweetly while fondling the key at the end of the necklace inside her blouse. You and she are the only ones who know that this means you'll have to wait yet another day for release. Also, when it comes to oral sex, I've found that a man becomes very interested in a woman's orgasm when he needs to get and stay on her good side in order to get his.

Oh, your question. I'm so completely aroused by the idea of playing with your new toy that I nearly forgot you had a question. Of course the prostate needs to be flushed out now and again, sweet doll. Australian researchers (as well as other researchers) found that of the 2250 men they studied, those who had ejaculated the most between the ages of 20 and 50 were the least likely to develop prostate cancer. "Men who ejaculated more than five times a week were a third less likely to develop prostate cancer later in life,” BBC News reported on the study. Anthony Smith, one of the researchers concluded that "it's perfectly reasonable that men should be encouraged to masturbate.” Perhaps. But only if Mistress says the chastity belt can come off. May you live long, Blue. Or may you live happy.

Hanging Out at the Peeps
Dear Jane,

I'm a 44-year-old male, considered good-looking by both men and women. I have had the same girlfriend, Amelia, for ten years now. Over the years, I've been obsessed with many wild perversions and fetishes. Right now, I want to see Amelia with another guy or girl, or both, but I want to watch while I'm wearing my girlfriend's clothes! Is this crazy? I want to watch not as the voyeur but out in the open—and I want to jerk off as I'm watching Amelia get pounded.

What really got all this kinkiness going is when, about five years ago, Amelia and I were surfing the Net and came across a she-male site. That night Amy completely feminized me—she admitted at the time that I was very cute and passable. I was totally into it because I had worn girls' things since I was about 13, but always kept it secret. After awhile, Amelia grew tired of dressing me up and shut off almost all sex.

Now I'm desperate enough for sex that I'm to the point where I go to peep shows wearing her panties, pantyhose, and bra under my clothes. I've done this about thirty times in the past two months. When I get there, I strip off my outer clothes in the booth and wait for a man to enter the booth next to me. There's a 12-by-12-inch open window between the two booths. The guy in the next booth will rub my legs, pinch my nipples, and stick his cock through the window; then I'll suck him off—or he“ll shoot his huge load onto me.

The other day I went the farthest I“ve ever gone: I dressed in Amelia“s clothes—skirt and blouse, stockings, and pumps—and sat ladylike until a man came into the booth next to me. Within seconds he reached in and began rubbing my legs very slowly and softly. I felt so feminine! He made me so horny that I couldn“t hold my legs together. He worked up my inner thighs and began rubbing my cock like a clit. Next thing I knew my blouse was off and he was softly playing with my nipples . . . well, that did it. I got on my knees and started sucking him. But he kept teasing me with his cock, pulling it just out of reach of my mouth. By the time he let me have it all he was dripping with precum and I was giving the best BJ ever. He started shooting all over my face and at the same time I started coming without even touching myself! It was one of the best lovemaking sessions I've ever had and I don't feel guilty. My knees were so weak when I left that I was shaking.

Another thing I do while I wait for my girlfriend to get back into the "swing of things” is dress as a woman at clothing-optional gay nudist camps and let men have their way with me. At these places I wear short skirts, panties, bras, heels, or sometimes a bikini . . . . Most of the men love it; they tell me I am the little slut in their life. Plus I'm free (i.e, I don“t cost them money). It makes me feel like such a whore and it relieves my sexual frustrations. They want blow jobs, they whack off on me (mmmm), and if I let them fuck me it is always with a condom. But it's only when I'm in drag then I'll be the bitch; I am not interested in men at all when I'm in my male clothes.

Amelia can be very sexually liberal at times. We have talked about me watching her and another guy going at it but I'm not sure if she's serious or would have regrets later. We are very close but her sexual desires are not as strong as they used to be.

I go to the peeps and nudist camps in the daytime while she's at work. It's not difficult for me to find time to do this, since I'm self-employed in real estate. If she knew I was sucking guys off without her around she would be VERY upset! She knows nothing about my trips to the nudist camps or the peep shows.

So what is your take on all this, Jane, and how do I get to watch my girlfriend get her brains fucked out or get to watch her in a threesome?

Well, my cock is sticking down one leg of my pantyhose so I guess I'll head for the peeps. She is gone for the day.

Thanks Jane.

Paul/Paula

Dear Paul and Paula,

Nothing anyone does that's safe and consensual is weird or perverted or abnormal (unless, of course, you are asking Jesse Helms instead of me). Sex acts per se are not "weird,” doll. However, their context or the reasons we do them can make them inappropriate or unhealthy for a given person. For instance, in the area of good physical health, it sounds as though your favorite beverage these days is coming from the spigots of your friends at the peeps and nudist camps. For goodness“ sake, use condoms when you blow these men, sweetie.

So, no, sweetheart, it's not weird to dress in lingerie and jerk off while you watch your girlfriend have sex with someone else. But I don't think this is the heart of what you want or even the thrust of why you wrote. I think what you want is to fill a place inside yourself that's unfillable with all the sexual outlets you're currently seeking.

What if Amelia agreed to have sex with any man or woman of your choosing while you watched? And what if you did this 30 times in the next two months? Do you really think that you“d be satisfied and fulfilled sexually? I doubt it. I think you“d be off on your next adventure, trying to fill that place that continues to nag you to be fed.

And I think that place that's nagging you is a persistent longing to be honest with your unacknowledged bisexuality. You keep calling your activities "outlets for sexual frustration,” deemed necessary because your girlfriend is less responsive to you than she used to be. But it appears you've made no attempt to find out what her needs are or why she's "shut off almost all sex.”

And face it, Paula. You love being the bitch to horny men. It sounds as though the best sexual experiences of your life—recent life, anyway—all involve cock. It's not the cross-dressing that hints that you're bisexual (or perhaps gay, at least right now); it's the fun you're having with cock.

I suspect when you get honest with yourself—and with Amelia—about what it is you want right now in your sex you'll feel less restless. With your secrets uncovered, the turn-on may be slightly less big (certainly relative to the hard candy you've been sampling of late). But that's the price we pay for living honestly in our own skin. Go forth, sweet boy, and suck cock with abandon. Honest abandon.

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