November 2004

Looking for a Pantyhose Playmate
Dear Jane,

I’m a 28-year-old male, attractive (so I’m told), and part-time body builder and have no problem finding women. My problem is I’m totally obsessed with pantyhose and stockings. I know it’s not uncommon. But my obsession has progressed. I used to masturbate while wearing a pair of pantyhose and after I came, I felt disgusted with myself and would throw the nylons out until I got the next urge and was forced to steal another pair from the store fearing what the clerk would think if I bought them.

Now my favorite thing to do is put on a pair of shiny pantyhose, open a Leg Show magazine to a page I really like (although I don’t really need the mag once I’m in hosiery). I like to view myself in the mirror. I pull the pantyhose all the way up to my chest and enjoy the feel and sight all too much. I also look at, touch, and sometimes lick my own feet. It doesn’t take long to burst, but when I do, I do it through the nylon, either on my leg or I aim for my foot. Once I licked the cum off my foot. It is at the point now where I put them on, cum, and leave them on under my pants all day long.

Nobody, I mean nobody, knows any of this about me. My ex-girlfriend, who I still fuck, knows I like to see her in a white thong and thigh highs, but she has no idea about me.

Ideally, I’d like to find someone who loves pantyhose like I do and would want to be my pantyhose playmate, someone who would wear pantyhose also and want to feel the pleasure of sliding up and down nylon-covered legs. My ultimate fantasy is for us both to be in body stockings. But I would want all the sex to be done through the nylon and that includes coming. I want more than anything to share this experience with another woman. I even fantasize about sharing this experience with another man (a very feminine man).

Am I a transvestite and don’t know it? Am I a little too perverted? I jack my cock about 4-5 times a day. Is this an addiction? Am I kinda gay? Or am I just a kinky fool? If I’m not a total freak, can you recommend any websites where I might find my interest explored?

Pantyhose Obsessed

Dear Sexy Pantyhose Boy,

It’s natural, precious boy, that you ask the questions you do when you don’t understand and can’t yet accept your sexual desires. All of us tend to find comfort in categories. Conveniently, categories provide labels. And labels come with already-determined characteristics and qualities (and judgments). This is great because it provides a simple and easy way to avoid understanding who people are as individuals. It’s especially convenient for those who believe that “what” we are is more integral to our being than “who” we are.

In your case, if all the fears articulated in your letter are realized, you’ll be able to say, “I’m a perverted, gay transvestite addicted to masturbating in pantyhose.”

But before we seal you behind the door of these labels, let’s answer your questions. This will clear up this whole pantyhose thing for you, sweetheart. The guilt, the shame, the “what” in “What am I?” . . . it’ll all be decided soon, baby . . .

Are you a transvestite? A transvestite is a one who feels compelled to dress in clothing of the opposite sex, often in relation to sexual arousal. Well, you do wear pantyhose, traditionally a women’s garment (although men wore tights for centuries). But does wearing pantyhose alone for sexual enjoyment make you a transvestite, baby? Perhaps we need to add a slip to make a little ensemble.

Still not enough clothes to qualify as a TV? Let’s put a bra and panty set on you, too. Oh, you say those other garments don’t turn you on? Then we’re back to just the pantyhose then, aren’t we . . . and we’re not at all certain whether pantyhose alone make you a transvestite . . . .

Are you gay? Do you mean “homosexual?” You mean because you are turned on by the thought or sight of men in pantyhose? Hmmm, let’s see. Broadly defined, homosexuality refers to the occurrence of or sexual attraction, interest, and genitally intimate activity between members of the same gender.

But specifically which acts fall into the category of homosexual? And how many times would you need to do that act to truly be a homosexual? If you got together with another man also wearing pantyhose and slid together, both ejaculating—but not penetrating one another—is this a homosexual act? No? What if you kissed while you slid? Sucked each other’s toes? Exchanged decorating tips? Again, another tough term to define . . . .

Are you addicted? In my view you’re “addicted” only if your pantyhose fun is getting in the way of showing up for your life. Are you going to a testosterone-building workout session then stealing pantyhose before you get back to work so you can squeeze in one of your 4-5 jack-offs-per-day? Could be a problem. On both counts.

But at 28 do you really need me to tell you it’s not a good idea to steal or to blow off work (if you are)? Imagine seeing your name in the local public police blotter and having your boss wonder why you’re busy stealing pantyhose instead of showing up for work. On balance, this might be more embarrassing than facing a cashier who you think gives a care but is actually far more concerned with her aching feet than your sex life. Again, addiction is another tough question . . . . in this case, one only you can answer.

Are you a “little perverted?” Remember whom you’re asking. I celebrate whatever you do, sweetheart, as long as it makes you happy and you’re not hurting anyone. Actually, I find what you do terribly sexy. But I can introduce you to plenty of folks who’d find what you do more than a “little perverted.” They’d also find missionary sex more than a little perverted if one of the parties uses the “F” word while having it.

You obviously don’t know it, but you’re lucky, Pantyhose Lover: you’ve discovered that pantyhose is the spindle on which your earth turns. The problem is not the pantyhose; it’s your lack of acceptance of this item as your turn-on. Pantyhose is not your cross to bear but your gift.

Havelock Ellis, an English sexologist whose work was published at the turn of the 20th century, was one of the few who spoke against the imagined threat of wanton sexuality of the time (my, how things don’t seem to change!). He wrote, “Why . . . should people be afraid of rousing passions which, after all, are the great driving forces of human life?” He equated sex with “all that is most simple and natural and good.”

That includes all sex, sweetheart. Even pantyhose sex. Go visit www.trypantyhose.com to see men and women in every conceivable combination—men with men, women with women, women dominating men, men caught by women, men being sissified and cross-dressed, bisexual orgies—ALL posed by attractive men and women wearing pantyhose. Looking at these photos and videos is joyful and a turn-on and is probably worth $29.95 a month to a pantyhose lover like you, babe.

Dr. Ellis would have celebrated the focus this site places on sexual gratification. Get into your (paid-for) pantyhose, angel, and take a look. There’s no room here for rigidly defined concepts of how we ought to behave or how we should label ourselves. As you can see, these can’t be defined anyway. Some day I hope you’ll realize that to know and accept who you are is far more important than what you are.

She Wants to Be the Daughter Instead of the Mom
Dear Jane,

My husband and I read Leg Show together every month and enjoy your insightful and entertaining advice columns.

One of my biggest turn-ons is watching my husband stroke his cock to orgasm while worshiping my full-fashioned stockings.

Recently, we’ve gotten into role-playing mother-son fantasy. I know this is a taboo subject, but I also know it’s acted out quite a lot between consenting adult lovers.

What I want to explore is my own sexual fantasies about my father, specifically a fantasy I have about my “dad” calling a call-girl service. In my fantasy, it is I—his daughter—who shows up as his call girl. Before long, I have him begging for my stocking-covered feet.

I haven’t mentioned this fantasy yet to my husband. I suppose my hesitation in discussing it is that it’s not that common a fantasy so I’m a bit shy about it. Why do you suppose father-daughter isn’t as active a fantasy as mother-son, Jane? Is it even more taboo than mother-son?

Daughter Wants to Play

Dear Daddy’s Girl,

The critic James Agate called incest both handy and cheap . . . and, yes, kidding aside, it’s taboo in our society. Which is one reason it lands in e-mail boxes with the insistence of wasps landing on an apple pie.

Yours is a fantasy that’s the inverse of the Oedipus complex developed by Sigmund Freud to explain a son’s identification with his father and desire for his mother. That one is based on the Greek myth of Oedipus who kills his father Laios and marries his mother Iocaste. The Oedipus conflict was described as a state of psychosexual development and awareness first occurring around the age of three and a half.

The counterpart of this is known as the Electra complex, a young girl’s desire for the father (perhaps developed by Freud, perhaps by Carl Gustav Jung). It goes like this: The girl is originally attached to her mother; however, when she realizes she has no penis, blames her mother. To correct this, she turns her erotic attachment to her father and imagines she will become pregnant by him, thus restoring the missing penis. (Hence, “penis envy,” a concept largely discredited today.)

Neither the Oedipal nor Electra complex is considered more taboo than the other, not that those kinky Greeks seemed to think so. But you’re right, sweet girl, that the former is a more common fantasy than the latter, if the Google count is any indication: 830,000 sites for mother-son versus 654,000 for father-daughter.

I’d hardly call two-thirds of a million sites “uncommon,” though, and even if it were why would that hold you back? Both fantasies cater to the dominant streak you clearly possess. When you feel like a change, you might consider playing around with D&S in other ways as well.

For now, though, get on your garter belt and stockings, naughty girl, and tell your husband that if he’s going to get any, Daddy needs to ring up a call-girl service. It’s time to turn the tables. Sex is a two-way treat.

Beware the Used Panty Scam
Dear Jane,

Do you know much about the used panty market? I’ve tried to get some but they all seem to be rip-offs; they don’t send anything and just keep the dough.

Another thing: You might think about offering a contest to win your worn panties or pantyhose to guys whose letters you choose to answer in your column. Wow, would that be the ultimate incentive!

Wants the Panties

Dear Panty Boy,

Whoever first realized that there’s no shortage of pussy—it’s just the delivery system that’s messed up—was the first who collected 25 bucks for sending her worn panties through the mail to sweet horny boys like you.

True to form, the field of sexuality has a word for people who have the particular kink of becoming aroused by smelling the opposite sex’s worn undergarments: mysophilia. As though we need a “special word” for something as natural as smelling one another. And naturally, if we can’t smell directly from the source, then of course the pantied version in a Zip Lock baggie will do in a pinch.

The problem lies in the panty scams you mention. Those haven’t made it to the local consumer protection reporter on TV or inspired panty Lemon Laws and so the used undies market, legit and otherwise, thrives. Google features nearly 40,000 sites, some of them worn “48 hours at the gym” (quite a workout!) and others from obese women (enough panty fabric to make a tent and climb inside of).

Even E-bay, that bastion of all things wonderful and used, can’t help as it no longer allows selling of worn panties. Too bad there aren’t vending machines containing worn panties as there are in Japan.

I recommend you get to know the company you’re dealing with before you shell out your money. Or trade with companies that take credit cards so you can deny the charge if you don’t receive your product. Not that this is the easiest thing to explain to your credit card company . . . I sold my worn panties for years (but don’t any longer). I did so less for the revenue (which wasn’t much since I have expensive panty taste) but because I felt for you sweet peaches who apparently didn’t have access to a woman’s scent.

Your idea for offering a reward to letter-writers is completely backwards, sweetheart! It is I who should receive a prize, not you! Why? For the same reason you believe you should receive the reward: because I’ve chosen your letter. Tsk, tsk. You’re the very definition of an egotist, darling: more interested in yourself than in me . . . .

Jane Vargas holds a Ph.D. in Human Sexuality and is the owner of X-traordinary Talk! She can be found on the Internet at www.xtratalk.com. Ask for Jane“s advice on any aspect of fetish sexuality by e-mailing her at jane@xtratalk.com. ’Advice to Boys Who Need It Bad” is a registered trademark of X-traordinary Talk! Please note that Jane“s advice is from the viewpoint of a caring, softly dominant woman; it is not intended to replace professional therapy. All questions are ’real,” although may be edited for length.

Audio Fantasies | Videos | Short Video Squirts | Books | Dear Jane | About X-tratalk! | Links | Sylvia's Page | Meet Our Models | What's New? | X-tratalk Forums!
Anal Play | Bondage | Cross-dressing | Foot, Leg & Shoe | Masturbation Lessons | Getting Caught | Panties | Pantyhose | Spanking | Upskirt | Cocktease | Strict Punishment | Role Play

©2008 X-traordinary Talk!
site designed by The Carolingian Empire