April 2005

He Shuns His Own Cum
Dear Jane,

My lover gives me head regularly and swallows my cum—and loves it. I give her oral and taste her cum—and love it. But my lover wants me to lick up my own cum from her pussy. And that seems really weird.

She has the same aversion—after I give her oral she won’t kiss me because I have her cum in my mouth and on my lips. But then she will ask me to cum on her pussy and then lick it off and kiss her. It feels so abnormal to taste a load of my hot, sticky cum in my mouth. Is it normal to feel this way?

I feel that it might be a little bit more awkward for a man to taste his cum than a woman to taste hers just based on the fact that a man cums is soooo much. It is like comparing a dime-sized spot of jizz to a whole cup of it! I tell my lover it would be weird for her, too, if she came as much as me and had to lick it up. But she doesn’t believe me. She still wants me to lick my cum off her pussy.

Would you feel weird if you had to lick up your cum off a man’s dick or a dildo and it was a huge amount, like a man’s? Why do you think my lover will swallow a huge load of cum from me, I will lick cum from her, but we both refuse to taste a drop of our own? What would you do?

Mr. Cum

Dear Cummer,

It’s a bit much to ask someone else to lick up your cum when you’re not willing to do it yourself.

You ask why you shun your cum. That’s hard to answer. Maybe you actually don’t like the taste. Or maybe you don’t like it because of your beliefs that it’s “abnormal.”

You’re not the only one who has issues with cum. Poor semen has had its share of ups and downs. In the Middle Ages, semen was seen as satanic; the Church taught that demons were made of it. Semen shed its devil image around 1758 when Dr. Tissot wrote of its exalted status in his book Onanism. Unfortunately, men’s beautiful essence wasn’t exalted so much that it should be seen; rather, semen, Tissot wrote, should be preserved inside the body because its emission jeopardized the health of men.

Following on Dr. Tissot’s beliefs, in 1870, Dr. Augustus K. Gardner, one of America’s first popular sex experts, wrote that proper intercourse was that which caused the smallest expenditure of semen possible. And, because women enticed its ejaculation through arousal of their husbands, wives should lie perfectly still during the act so as not to entice too much from her partner. Fifteen years later, two lone voices—poet Walt Whitman and writer Herman Melville—both sang the praises of semen. Both felt it was the release of semen, not its retention, which gave power to life and art. Sadly, both died forgotten and penniless, albeit at peace with his penis and its product.

Today, we practically swim in the stuff. The sheer quantity we see on women’s faces in porn movies reminds me of unexpected snowfalls in which not shovels but trucks with shovels are required to clean it off.

How many men eat their own cum? The closest I could get to a statistic was written in Richard Herring’s book Talking Cock: 71 percent attempt to suck their own member (19 percent can manage it) and, of those, nearly 60 percent swallow their ejaculate. Cum-eating is a common enough pactice that there’s a term for cum mixed with spit—as happens after oral sex—snowballing (or snowconing).

Even if you don’t (yet), you’re lucky to have a girlfriend who really digs the stuff. Some women won’t because of the power politics they believe are involved. Others, like singer Liz Phair, feel it’s what’s for dinner. In her subversive hit, Hot White Cum, she praises semen as “the fountain of youth.” She may be on to something: a new study shows that semen is important to a woman’s prenatal health. Regular exposure before pregnancy, especially by mouth, may help her immune system get used to her partner’s sperm. It’s also supposed to alleviate depression in women. It even marries well with the Atkins diet as it’s high in protein and low in calories. I wouldn’t eat it just to get the health benefits, though. There’s nothing sexy about eating cum if you’re going to wince and take it like medicine.

Where do I stand on cum? Like raindrops on roses, it’s one of my favorite things—it’s not the taste so much as the idea that I’m ingesting a vital, living offering from my lover. To me the taste is something like liquid Saltine crackers.

Women’s cum hasn’t been studied so assiduously. But, like you, most men lap it up like a doggie licking his plate after supper. During sexual arousal, blood flows to the pelvis, vulva, and clit (called vasocongestion). Secretions can change in taste and texture—from sweet to salty to sour—and can be more or less viscous throughout her cycle. I’ve never seen stats on women liking or not liking their own cum.

Your perceptions on quantities of cum amuse me. You say hers can be compared with a dime-sized spot versus your “whole cup.” Actually, men ejaculate (depending on their levels of testosterone and other things) just a couple teaspoons on average. Disappointing, I know. But here’s something that sounds impressive: over his lifetime a man will ejaculate more than a trillion sperm in 14 gallons of semen (according to Talking Cock).

How can you come ’round to enjoying your own? Remember when you were a kid and you didn’t like mushrooms but now you love them? Like shrooms, semen is an acquired taste. Start with little bits and build from there. Or take this suggestion, from a contributor to Str8MenTastingSemen@yahoogroups.com: He shoots on top of a bowl of Frosted Mini Wheats. Once he’s calmed down from his orgasm, he writes, the cum has soaked into the cereal and he eats it as finger food. Doing this might get you over the hump, sweet Cummer. Doesn’t it sound just delish?

Bi the Way . . .
Dear Jane,

I’m a 35-year-old bisexual man. I’m in a relationship with a woman. I have told her about my bisexuality and she’s okay with it. She thinks I might be confused about my sexuality because I don’t look at men when we’re out at bars and think about having sex with them. I’m not attracted that way. I have an obsession with the penis. I love to look at pictures of big, thick cocks, and I love to touch and suck them.

I also love to eat pussy. I have told my girl how I would love to see a nice fat eight-inch cock sliding in and out of her while I licked her clit and his cock at the same time. She’s never done that but is turned on by the thought and is willing to try it. Yea.

Is it abnormal not to be attracted to men but just to be sexually turned on by the penis? I mean, I think a woman’s body is very beautiful, but I just love to see cocks. I see pictures of women sucking on big fat cocks and all I can think about is it being in my mouth and I get so hard. IS THIS WEIRD?

Loves Those Cocks

Dear Cock-Lover,

You prove the point that sexuality is a fluid and deeply personal identity. Tell your girlfriend that bisexuality isn’t about whom you sleep with, it’s about how you feel. A rule of thumb in defining your sexual identity is not what you’ve done, but what you’d like to do. While someone might feel attraction to both men and women, he or she might not necessarily act on that attraction—that person has a bisexual identity but not bisexual behavior.

You do want to act on your attraction, even though your attraction is to the cock but not to the man it’s attached to. Also, you don’t care to be sucked and you don’t care to fuck men or be fucked. You only want to look at and suck a man’s cock. Preferably while it’s inside your girlfriend.

Since she’s game, have at it. You might practice your dual-organ licking with her holding a nice big rubber cock in her vagina. Or, you could start with her wearing a harness holding a big, meaty, lifelike cock. Even though these are only practice runs, she’d have all the parts you crave . . .

Is He Ready to Go Shopping?
Dear Jane,

If you’re a man, how can you figure your bra and panty size? Where can you get them? Won’t clerks in stores think you’re weird? Can you help me?

Panty-Bra Boy

Hello Budding Panty Boy,

If I told you the answers to your questions, I’d be taking all the fun out of it for you. To get a good guide to sizing, visit www.jadephoenix.org. They’ll tell you that to get a bra, measure your chest; bra sizes correlate to this number. If your chest is 38 inches, you’ll get a size 38 bra. You’ll determine cup size yourself. An A cup will jut out about one inch; a B cup 2 inches, etc.

Get yourself to a department store that has a large lingerie section. Don’t slink around guiltily, furtively grab any ol’ lingerie, and high-tail it out of there. Instead, relish the experience; the hardest part was getting there; linger awhile.

Hold up bra after bra and examine it for prettiness. Imagine how it might fit. Choose one that resembles bras in your fantasies; don’t walk out of that store, young man, without the fantasy bra. I see crossdressers buy junkie lingerie because they believe that because they’re not actually women they don’t deserve the good stuff. Hosh-posh!

With bra in hand, ask the saleslady if there are panties that match. Hold those up, too, and think about whether the crotch is wide enough to accommodate all of you . . . or consider the fun you’d have with a narrow crotch that really doesn’t quite fit. Or are you a thong boy who wants to gaze upon and stroke his pretty behind? Do you want sheer panties that simultaneously conceal and reveal your treasures? Or do you want your silky undies to be opaque and a little baggy, only the tent pole inside betraying the thrill they offer?

Once you’ve made all these important decisions, get yourself up to the lady at the register to make your purchase. No, the clerk won’t necessarily think you’re weird; she’s more likely to be bemused by your little purchase.

One last suggestion: Wear your baggiest trousers on this expedition, my sweet virgin panty purchaser. Then make sure you can get home quickly after you have them. Have lubricant ready right inside the front door. Because, baby, believe me when I tell you that half of the turn-on in having these pretty girly things is in the shopping for them.

Jane Vargas holds a Ph.D. in Human Sexuality and can be found on the Internet at www.xtratalk.com. Ask for Jane’s advice on any aspect of fetish sexuality by e-mailing her at jane@xtratalk.com or writing to her at Leg Show. “Advice to Boys Who Need It Bad” is a registered trademark of X-traordinary Talk! Please note that Jane’s advice is from the viewpoint of a caring, softly dominant woman; it is not intended to replace professional therapy. All questions are “real,” although may be edited for length.

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