June 2005

Getting Her Back Into Stockings
Dear Jane,

I am a 37-year-old married man and I’m having a hard time convincing my wife to start wearing stockings and nylons for me like she used to when we were dating. Back then, I would rip right through the crotch so that the silky nylons would still be on her and I could get that warm, fragrant pussy scent, too. There’s nothing like it in the world.

I am a hopeless romantic and even after 13 years together, I still get butterflies when I see my bride or talk to her (yes, I refer to her as my bride, not my wife). All I want to do is baby her—do everything for her from brushing her hair to rubbing her feet. I even still gaze at her just sitting on the couch. She hates me staring at her but it’s just admiration of her beauty.

We have two boys, ten and five, and they take up a good portion of her energy. We communicate well. But when I bring up the topic of nylons and stockings she says it’s a hassle to have to keep pulling them up when they fall down, which she says they do even with a garter belt. She knows I look at magazines like Leg Show and I’ve even gone to the extreme in telling her I am actually tired of looking at women in magazines with nylons and stockings because it is not her. I prefer the real deal.

Recently we spent a week away, had a beachfront view, and I made sure she spent a whole morning to herself at the spa because she deserves to be pampered. I even “forced” her to buy herself a new diamond ring for our anniversary. In fact, my exact words were, “Please do this for yourself because you deserve all the good things in life.” As you can see by now I am not one of those me-me-me types of husbands you see on Dr. Phil who pick on their overweight wives when they are fat themselves.

I am a simple guy; I don’t ask for much but the one thing I put high on my list is my one-on-one time with her and the funny part about that is that if it were reversed I would be the asshole for not meeting HER needs. My wife feels I am more needy than she but the neediness is to be WITH HER, even if it’s just holding her hand. It’s that simple. So I hope I have cleared myself from the stigma of the male chauvinist pig; I am far from being one of those. Can you advise me how I could get my wife back into nylons and stockings?

Also, Jane, pardon me for saying the photos of you in nylons are really great. You are a very hot-looking older woman, which is my second fetish. The fact that I adore older women has nothing to do with a need to be nurtured; it has to do with being able to bring that little tear to the corner of an older woman’s eye like she were a 20-year-old girl who has never felt a nice-sized young cock fill her. You know, helping make a woman a woman.

Please, Jane, lay some life on me. I am always open.

N&S (Nylons & Stockings)

Dear N&S (Needy & Smothering),

All you want to do, sweet baby, is worship this woman and she doesn’t even have the generosity to wear stockings for you. You give and give and give and then you give some more. Does she appreciate all you do for her? No. And if the shoe were on the other foot you’d be the bad guy. Right?

Well, sort of. The problem, from her point of view, is that you’re there—always, always there. You remind me of those saintly souls who stand outside grocery stores asking for donations for charity. Yes, they’re good people doing good deeds. However, when I give I don’t feel generous; I feel like I’m caving to extortion. Your wife (excuse me, your bride) recognizes how generous you are with your attention. She knows she should be grateful you’re there doing for her—but she’d really rather you not. Why not? Because it’s too much already. You don’t allow her to give to you freely, of her own volition. And, as with the good people scaring up donations, she probably resents your expectations of her.

On the face of it, “babying” her by brushing her hair and gazing upon her seems romantic. But when romantic gestures occur too intensely and at inappropriate times, they are not perceived as giving but as taking. To be valued, romance should be sprinkled onto a relationship; you’re backing up the truck.

And why? Why are you so devoted, so worshipful? Your intent is to show her you love her. But I think that, in the guise of romance, you look to her for your own sustenance, replenishment, and entertainment. I suspect your bride often feels as though she has three boys to tend to, not two.

You want me to “lay life” on you, doll? Here are three steps to a more romantic life with your bride: First, get one. Add hobbies, more satisfying work, gym workouts, bird watching, anything—so that she can see you as an individual instead of a “hopelessly romantic” tapeworm of a husband (uh, groom).

Second, when you want to demonstrate to her how much you care, instead of staring at her on the sofa, take the kids to the park. Or bring dinner in. Or put away the laundry. With two young boys to raise, her idea of romance has expanded beyond longing gazes, believe me.

And third, stop whining about all you do for her and how little you get in return; it’s hideously unattractive. And, as you can see, it doesn’t get you what you want. There’s nothing romantic about a woman getting into stockings when she’s been badgered or guilted into it.

Women want to want their men, sweetheart. Give her a chance to seek you out, to work a bit to get your attention. When she realizes you’re not always at the ready with foot rubs and hair brushes she’ll put on her stockings to get your attention.

Now. As for your bringing a tear to an older woman’s eye. My, you do flatter yourself! Such confidence! I do admire confidence. However, you are sadly mistaken, at least as far as this older woman is concerned. First, I don’t look at cocks as filler material. Sex appeal is about what a man is packing upstairs, not in his pants. And, second, even if I were into young cocks, why would I want a 37-year-old one? I’m not old enough to find you young enough, not by a decade at least. Sorry, babe. I hope I’m not bringing a tear to your eye.

Head Over Wheels for Women Who Burn Rubber
Dear Jane,

I have a strange fetish. When I see a lady smoking her tires on a wet road it gives me a hard-on. To see a woman with her car stuck on ice is even better. That’s why I love winter.

This winter I saw this sexy lady going up the road. She stopped to move a trashcan out of her way. She had on a black skirt, black stockings or pantyhose, and shiny black pumps. When she got back in her car and tried to move she spun on the ice. She kept laying her foot on the gas...the sound, the smell, the smoke from her tires...it was too much. I blew right into my pants.

I’ve asked Leg Show and other magazines whether they have videos of this fetish but they don’t. Why do I have this strange fetish and can you help me get videos of this or tell me why I’m like this?

I also love seeing them have to lock the breaks on their cars. Please send me a letter, Jane.

Eddie

Dear Eddie,

Men adore fast cars and beautiful women … and fast women and beautiful cars. Women and cars go together like cigars and whiskey.

I learned about auto-eroticism at a young age. When I turned 16, my parents gave me a canary-yellow Oldsmobile Cutlass with a white convertible top and when I was in that car men went gaga. (Hence, I drove anywhere as often as possible.) When I started college, I sold that big boat of a car and bought an economical VW bug. Abruptly the honks, whistles, and stoplight date-making stopped. I was still me; only the metal had changed. I wonder if Richard Dreyfus would have hungered for Suzanne Somers the way he did in American Graffiti if she hadn’t been in a T-Bird.

Cars are sexy and we live in a car-centric culture. Also, cars are some men’s peacock feather displays that they hope will attract women. Sometimes they’re (sad and inadequate) compensation for big egos and small dicks.

You’ll find stuck-woman videos at www.carstuckgirls.com. Run by Sir Stuckalot, the site features women stuck in mud, clay, snow, sand, ice, in ditches and on hills. A questionnaire on the site asks fans what mood they prefer seeing stuck women in. Sixty-five percent wanted their stuck women “worried, helpless, crying or nearly crying.” (Fifteen percent wanted stuck women to be “laughing or amused”; 14 percent wanted no emotion; and six percent wanted “angry, yelling” stuck women.) Although no one can say where any sexual taste really comes from, these results confirm an age-old truth: a lot of men dig helpless women. You’re just a Sir Lancelot rescuing damsels in distress—or, at least, happily jerking off while they deal with their situations.

You say your desires are strange but they’re not, sweetheart. Maybe you haven’t seen the cum-swallowing lesson sites on the Web. Or the minute-by-minute journals written by men who have glycerin suppositories up their bums. Or the wonders of figging, the art of anal ginger root play. It’s really not fair that Sir Stuckalot’s site won the People’s Choice Award in the “weird” category in the 2004 Webbys. Harrumph. Who’s to decide?

Does Jane Find Lingerie-Clad Men Sexy?
Dear Jane,

Jane, I must ask you something. I’m not trying to analyze the analyst or anything here, but from what I’ve gathered from your comments in Leg Show and what I see on your web site, I get the feeling you like men in lingerie. I’m asking you this just because I want to know more about the person whose words I read so often.

Lover

Dear Lover,

Sure, you may be asking because you want to know more about Dear Jane. I buy that. Then again, you may be asking because you want to fantasize about being dressed up by a woman who’s into it. That’s okay, too, sweetheart. Whatever your pleasure . . .

It’s not lingerie on men that I like; it’s sex—good sex. Because good sex comes from connection and imagination, I will use anything to facilitate those things. I like to take a man to an erotic place where he is completely under my feminine power. I find extraordinary pleasure and sensuality in having him in my thrall where our minds are connected and we’re as kinky as all get-out. Lingerie—or any fetish he’s into—can be the conduit I use to take him to that place. But so can erotic humiliation. Or bondage. Or spanking. Or role-playing. The point is not the item or behavior but the journey and destination. We’re there when I see his eyes glaze over and I know without a doubt he’s mine.

In an erotic context, I admit to finding the masculine-feminine juxtaposition of men in panties intense. It’s odd to see a hard cock encased in this silky symbol of sweet femininity . . . and I find oddness incredibly sexy. The sexiness is goosed by the emotional and spiritual risk my lover and I take when we open ourselves up like this. Good sex like this is risky business. Or, should I say, risqué business. Yum.

Jane Vargas holds a Ph.D. in Human Sexuality and can be found on the Internet at www.xtratalk.com. Ask for Jane’s advice on any aspect of fetish sexuality by e-mailing her at jane@xtratalk.com or writing to her at Leg Show. “Advice to Boys Who Need It Bad” is a registered trademark of X-traordinary Talk! Please note that Jane’s advice is from the viewpoint of a caring, softly dominant woman; it is not intended to replace professional therapy. All questions are “real,” although may be edited for length.

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