November 2005

The following letters are from readers who clarify points I made in my original answers, expand on points, and disagree—respectfully, of course.

The Down & Dirty on Panty Safety
Dear Jane,

“Pantyman in Minnesota” asked about the safety of worn panties he receives through the mail. As a physician and panty-lover myself, I’ll tell you what I remember from med school about the bacteria that live “down under.”

The natural juices, yummy as they are, contain some long polysaccharide molecules that lactobacillus breaks up and uses (long words to describe a very natural process). The bacteria then give off lactic acid as a byproduct. This metabolic reaction provides the natural acidity to the vagina that functions so well to keep down yeast and other bacterial infections. In other words, it’s all quite clean. I’ve never had a patient ask me, but here and now I pronounce worn panties safe. In an ideal world, I think the body would do best without underwear, but where’s the fun in that?

Pantyman in Georgia

Dear Southern Gent,

Such big long words for what is simply an aphrodisiac that inspires panty-lovers everywhere. You’re right that the world is infinitely richer and more fun with underwear—especially the soft, flirty sort. Worn undies trump a good cabernet in bouquet, a fine pinot noir in aftertaste, and is way more exciting besides. Thanks for letting the world know it’s a safe indulgence.

An Expert’s Final Word on Panty Safety
Dear Jane,

On the subject of worn panties . . . I think it is safe to assume that bacteria and fungi survive for quite awhile on previously worn undergarments. Once the infected clothing becomes dry, however, survival would fall off rapidly.

I would say that we are well equipped to handle whatever bacteria or fungi may be lurking in the garments. After all, there are few reported problems from oral sex, which is bound to have an innoculum hundreds or thousands times stronger.

I doubt the panty sniffer has much to fear, especially if the panties have been off for a while. Licking may be slightly more risky, but nothing like real muff diving. Just think how infected the mouth and nose are. Very little difference from the vagina. Just different resident organisms. Very little research has been done on this subject, I’m sure. Stamping out world hunger seems more pressing.

Dr. Underwear

Good Doctor,

Obviously, stamping out world hunger is a worthy endeavor . . . but, I ask: is it as sexually arousing? Can you imagine Congress debating funding for research on the perils and benefits of panty sniffing? And they think choosing a new Supreme Court justice is a touchy subject.

Increasing the Load
Dear Jane,

I’ve followed your advice column for years in Leg Show, Jane, and consider you an expert at sexual situations. You gave me advice last year, in fact, which paid off handsomely and for which I thank you greatly.

However, your column from “Terry in Ohio” missed several points that I believe are important to your readers. The topic was sperm-load and how to increase it. You failed to mention that the amount of cum relates to the amount of water in a man’s system. Gentlemen: hydrate hydrate hydrate. You can’t give what you don’t have . . .

Also, get over the idea that “saving” sperm will pay off in bed. The body reabsorbs your semen, so a week without cumming will not produce a larger load. A far better way to increase load is to jack off but do not cum a few times the day before and day of the planned encounter—say, the third date. The body won’t have time to ditch the deluge before you can use it. By the way, the term of jacking off until you almost come, then going back to it is called “edging.”

Water, Wank, and Go on a Date

Hi, WW et al . . .

You clearly have matters well in hand, wanker, and I’m sure you’re damned prolific when you are out to impress. Just a couple of comments: As you note, edging is a solo activity. When done with a sweet partner who’s dishing out instructions, it’s called tease and denial and is a yummy way to build up that glorious hot goo. On your point about hydration: Ladies, if your date keeps ordering drinks on your third date with him, consider yourselves warned.

Wedded Bliss Came from Just Telling Her
Dear Jane,

You advised me to talk to my then-girlfriend about my panty fetish. I did, in a not-so-direct way, but was able at least to get the topic out there. A few months later, after an evening that included a couple of bottles of wine, we finally got there . . . she asked me to slip on her pink panties, and my dreams entered reality. I knew then and there she was the one, popped the question a few weeks later, and was lucky enough to get a “yes.”

Married life is bliss; she is a wonderful, beautiful, and open woman. In addition to the real-world support she gives, it has become a tradition that after an evening of drinks, we come home and I get into something of hers before/during our “evening together.”

Our most recent night out ended in me wearing a black satin and lace babydoll, and many mutual orgasms. I used to be such a prude. Now she and I will be at a bar and talk openly about which panties I will wear that night. Others listen and make their faces, and I get that much more turned on. Funny to note, the women who hear always seem to have a wide-eyed, interested, and turned-on look. While the men seem scared or disappointed. So—a note for your male audience: women dig their men wearing their panties. If those men would only trust themselves . . . ask and they shall receive!

Happily Married

Dear Happy Man,

Maybe the men who overhear your wife’s sexy banter are jealous—so few women are as sexually adventuresome as your beloved. Or maybe they’re afraid that their own wives might get some wicked ideas. . . . You and your wife may be responsible for putting more men in panties than you know.

Still Peeping
Dear Jane,

I hope I am not bugging you, but I just had to tell you that I made my first step coming out of the closet. I went to the peeps yesterday with my black panties, black bra, and black stockings. Today, as I was looking in the mirror, I decided to go one step further. . . .

When I got to the peeps, I put on one of Amy’s black stretch mini skirts, a sheer white shirt, and a pair of 9 West black pumps that I had sneaked in. I was sooo excited!!

I sat in the booth very womanlike, with legs together. Within minutes a man came into the booth next to me and saw me totally in drag! He reached in and began rubbing my legs very slowly and softly. I felt so feminine! He made me so horny that I couldn’t hold my legs together. He worked up my inner thighs and began rubbing my cock like a clit.

Next thing I knew my blouse was off, he pulled down my bra, and he softly played with my nipples . . . Well, that did it. I got on my knees and starting sucking him . . .But he kept teasing me with his cock, pulling it just out of reach of my mouth. By the time he let me have it all he was dripping with precum and I was giving the best BJ ever.

He started shooting all over my face and at the same time I started cumming . . .without even touching myself! It was one of the best lovemaking sessions I’ve ever had and I don’t feel guilty. In fact, when he left, another guy came in so I did him out of kindness. My knees were so weak when I left that I was shaking. Jane, please don’t get mad at me for writing again, but I had to tell you.

Hugs

Dear Hugs,

Yes, but how was the movie at the peeps, bad boy?

Your profound self-realization and good work in the community don’t go unnoticed, darling. I’m so happy for you—and for your sexual bliss.

You know, though, that there’s a Next Step to coming out, don’t you . . . You need to talk with your girlfriend Amy. And not just to apologize for borrowing her clothes. To be truly honorable (and out of concern for her safety), you must tell her that you are exploring your sexual feelings for men.

Depending on your feelings for one another and your respective philosophies about monogamy, you two may decide to stay together. Who knows . . . but you can’t know and you’re not being true to yourself until you let Amy in on the secret pleasures you’ve been getting at the peeps. Good luck, and hugs back to you, sweetheart.

One last thing: It’s a gift, not a burden, to receive the candid and sexy mail that I get. Don’t apologize for writing, sweet peeper.

Deflowered in Vegas
Dear Jane,

I’m Ted and I wrote you about being 35 and still a virgin. I wanted to report to you on my Vegas vacation where I hired an escort.

First, let me say I had sticker shock at the cost. The ad said the escort would cost $250. When I called to confirm my appointment, I asked about tipping the girl. The response: That’s up to the girl so I’m thinking $100-$150. As the escort said to me, “Honey, you don’t know anything about this business, do you?” She said the $250 was all agency money and that she didn’t see any of it. Her fee was $400 for a strip show, massage, and playing with herself. Anything else was extra. So it came out to be an additional $600 for what I asked (I wanted to learn how to give a good massage, work a woman’s breast, and give good oral sex).

The thing is this woman gave me such a high school day’s erection and I wanted her so much that I would have paid anything. It was worth it. First she explained the techniques of what to do, then she’d perform it on me (god, she sucked my nipple to the point I was moaning). Then she’d have me do it to her. All the while she would talk me through it. She was literally the hooker with the heart of gold.

As I mentioned, she gave me an erection the likes of which I haven’t felt in years. She was a solid gal with three kids; she seemed almost the mother next door you always wanted to fuck.

She also took me in her arms and held me as I suckled her breast. I never felt so happy and safe. I’m sure there’s a psychological term for that pleasure . . . but I don’t care what it is because that was a feeling I’d been without forever and had been looking for all my life.

She was good at communicating if I was doing something wrong or right. I finally got to taste a woman, although it was through a condom spread over her pussy. I took to it like the finest taste I ever had in my mouth. I sucked, caressed, and tongue-fucked that pussy with pure passion. By the end my tongue was sore from keeping it hard while I was down there and I loved every minute of it.

Another positive of the experience was that I was erect the whole time—over 30 minutes. Even when she performed oral on me, I didn’t lose my load for at least a few minutes. Remember how worried I was about staying hard or cumming too fast? Well, I answered my question about those things . . .

Aside from the part of paying so much, the only bad part was two phone calls that interrupted our session; they were from the agency checking on her. Also, as soon as we were finished, she was out the door. She did give me her personal page and cell phone numbers to use the next time so I could skip the agency fee.

After she had gone, I laid there a few minutes, thought about the whole thing, grabbed a shower, and went to the bar for a drink and more reflection.

It was an intense session, Jane, but ultimately sort of hollow, since when business was done she was out the door, probably for another appointment. I think that since I’ve gotten my confidence I won’t need this type of session, but will try one of the mistresses sometime to see if they can help me with a fantasy (or three) when I’m ready.

Your Faithful & Devoted Non-Virgin,
Ted

Hi Ted,

Clearly, you were screwed more way than one, sweet baby. I am appalled that you had to spend $850 for 30 minutes of deflowering—with interruptions yet! But, like real estate in San Francisco, there’s no price too high for bliss; the sexual confidence you gleaned from your heart-of-gold girl was worth every penny.

Now it’s time to start connecting with “real” women. The happiness and safety you felt in your Las Vegas lady’s arms is nothing compared with the feelings you will have in the arms of a woman who truly loves you.

Jane Vargas holds a Ph.D. in Human Sexuality and can be found on the Internet at www.xtratalk.com. Ask for Jane’s advice on any aspect of fetish sexuality by e-mailing her at jane@xtratalk.com or writing to her at Leg Show. “Advice to Boys Who Need It Bad” is a registered trademark of X-traordinary Talk! Please note that Jane’s advice is from the viewpoint of a caring, softly dominant woman; it is not intended to replace professional therapy. All questions are “real,” although may be edited for length.

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