September 2006

This Self-Sucking Photographer Worries About Exposure
Dear Jane,

I’ve been buying Leg Show for 15 years. I love it and I love you, Jane.

A little over a year ago a man wrote to you explaining that he would like to achieve the ability to perform self-fellatio. I’ve been doing this myself for about 20 years. I’m damn good at it. I’m 42 years old, white, and a TV.

I like to take Polaroid photos of myself doing this and have gotten good at this as well. I always am in drag for the photos, shaved down with make-up and jewelry on. My big turn-on is sniffing women’s underwear while I’m sucking my dick. My favorite pose is when I have the fragrant panties stretched out with the crotch right under my nose, but not hiding my pretty mouth and eyes. My eyes look upward as though I am seeking approval from my Mistress who’s standing over me, watching me. I’d love to enact this for real, but so far the Mistress part is just a fantasy. Ultimately what I’d like to do is get into fetish films in which beautiful women also star.

My questions are: If I send these explicit photos of myself photos to women who might be interested in meeting me, do I risk the possibility of getting into trouble with the Feds? What about the possibility of having my photos exposed to the Internet without my permission? Can you shine some light on these issues for me, Jane?

Tennessee TV

Dear Southern Belle,

Photos of transvestites dressed to the nines and curled over with cock in mouth are not against U.S. postal service guidelines (child porn is); you’re all right, legally speaking, sending out your exotic photos to win women. And let me just say that I’m impressed how you cut to the chase when you woo a lady.

Watch out for the Internet, though. Unless you’re willing to take the risk that your bared behind will end up in front of the eyes of millions, don’t send any photos of yourself through snail mail (which can be scanned into a computer) or e-mail. The other day I received a series of five photos from a man demonstrating auto-fellatio and wow, did they impress me...The athleticism! The talent! The beauty of that cock being very nearly swallowed as his tight, round testicles rested on top of his overturned body like two scoops of Rocky Road. I told a girlfriend about them over dinner the night I received them.

She e-mailed me the next day expressing great desire to see my sweet self-sucker. However, because they show the sender’s face all too well, I won’t show them to anyone, including close friends. Perhaps no one this athletic boy knows would recognize him coiled up like a curly French fry, his left cheek pushed out by the hard dick inside it. Still, it’s just too risky and I feel a deep responsibility to protect the privacy of anybody who trusts me enough to send me intimate photos like these.

Unfortunately, not everybody feels that way. At the moment you push the “send” button, your photos are fair game. Within minutes, your cock-sucking mug could be plastered in chat rooms, jerked off to on gay web sites, gossiped about on TV sites, and mocked in feminist groups. Both snail mail and e-mail are completely out of your control, baby, so unless you really truly trust someone, keep your artistry to yourself—until, of course, you find that special someone with whom you want to share your very best.

He Adores Women’s Cute Thigh Jiggle
Dear Jane,

Thankfully I have you to write to. Where else could a guy share his fetishes and get a beautiful woman’s opinion?

With me, my biggest fetish is for women’s inner thighs. To me, a lady’s inner thighs are the sexiest part of her leg. There’s just something about them that always makes me want to caress and kiss them (affectionately). I love how you ladies keep your inner thighs toned and very silky smooth. Plus, when women are walking, the tip top of your inner thighs jiggle. Some tip top inner thighs jiggle more than others, but regardless of how much the tip top inner thighs jiggle when you girls are walking, to me, it’s the cutest thing to look at.

I know some girls love that type of attention on their inner thighs; that’s why they show them off. I know these girls would really love it if I were up on their inner thighs.

But then, there are other girls who think it’s very weird for guys to be into the inner thighs and totally love to watch their tip top inner thighs jiggle as they walk.

I’m just wondering/asking for your thoughts/input, on what you think about how I’m soooooo very into the tip top inner thighs (or inner thighs in general). Any advice for me when I meet a woman who thinks this is weird? Also, any advice/hints I could use for those girls who are sooooo totally excited that I’m into the tip top inner thighs? Also, are there any things/tips I could use and/or do (whatever it is) soooo very affectionately to the tip top inner thighs?

Another thing. Is it true that if a girl is getting caressed and kissed affectionately on the very tip top of her inner thighs, that she could get overly affectionate? If so, what if I went further and affectionately kissed/caressed other parts of her body? Would that give her like “double” maximum pleasure? What would she do then?

Please write back so I can get the info straight from you, or give me a call on my cell.

California Dreamer

Dear Keep Dreaming,

The inner thighs of a woman’s body are terribly seductive, aren’t they, my desirous dreamer? And why wouldn’t you want to travel from her sweet thighs to the promised land that is her sex? One reason some men are aroused by a woman wearing stockings is because of that bit of flesh at the top...the tip top...of her thighs.

What do you mean, “could she get overly affectionate?” Are you asking whether, with your tip top attention, an aroused woman might become animalistic, barbaric, crazed, out of control, hysterical, unrestrained, frenzied, emotional, impassioned, uninhibited, and as orgasmic as Vesuvius? One would hope...and a good lover works to that end, darling. What might a lover of tip top use on his lover to enhance pleasure? Well, he might begin by asking her to wear a beautiful, short babydoll nightie that is no longer than the tip top of her thighs. Then he’d use massage creams, feathers, his tongue, his lips . . you get the idea, sweetheart. And, yes, she’d get double the pleasure if you tended other parts of her body as well.

Why do I have the feeling that you’ve never actually been anywhere near the tip top of a woman’s thighs? Why do I think you gaze upon the legions of silky-smooth thighs walking by you each day wanting . . but never daring to even talk to a woman? If you had been close enough to actually find yourself beneath a woman’s skirt, then you would know what happens when a woman becomes aroused.

As far as “weirdness” goes, darling: A woman won’t find you weird if you relate to her as a person and, once you’ve developed mutual affection, make love to her not as though she’s parts but, again, as a person—a sensitive, sensuous, feminine one. When this happy day comes, incorporate your love of the tip top of her thighs into a mutually pleasurable experience. If you do these things, she won’t find you weird at all, but the sweet, sexy—probably virginal—angel that you are.

He May End Up With a Six-Month Erection
Dear Jane,

I am 21 years old and recently married a 33-year-young lady. I am basically under the complete rule and control of this superb lady. I never call her my wife, but my Mistress. Her name is Marika and she has three very close lady friends, each married to men, who, like myself, are their wives’ servants. We all spend a lot of time together, about four evenings a week, and many weekends. All four of us men, or “subbys,” as the women call us, wear cock restraining tubes held in place by a small lock which passes through a piercing so our penis is freed only when our mistress wishes. This is very difficult, since we are given ample opportunity for erections. When that happens, our cocks are disciplined for hardening. A lot of the time, when we are called upon to sexually pleasure our Mistress, our mouths and tongues are called into use. When the ladies wish to be penetrated vaginally or anally, we are made to wear a head harness into which is strapped a face dildo over the mouth. With this on, we are instructed to penetrate and pleasure the ladies.

Anytime a Mistress allows a subby to penetrate her vagina with his cock, there is present at least one other lady who supervises the actions of the subby—and corrects him when he loses concentration during his excitement. Never are we allowed to ejaculate inside a Mistress, and never without her permission may we ejaculate at all.

Since our ejaculations have become a topic of interest and control with the ladies, each subby wears a chain necklace around his neck, from which is hung a metal dog tag. This tag has a number punched into it. The purpose of this is to let the other ladies know the number of days which have passed since a particular subby has been allowed to ejaculate. Every morning before I go to work, she changes my tag. Since our semen is also controlled by Mistress Marika and her lady friends, the other three subbys and I ejaculate only to entertain and amuse our Mistress as well as to provide valuable foot cream which can be used to massage our ladies’ feet.

I let you know my situation, Miss Jane, in order that you may be able to answer the question I have. I believe this question requires more knowledge and background than either Marika or I have.

Marika wants to give me Bo-Tox injections. She says it will be very amusing to her and the other ladies to watch a subby go around serving them an entire weekend with a Bo-Tox treated rod.

As you of course can imagine, Miss Jane, taking a needle to the cock scares me. But as to what Bo-Tox is I have no clue. What would this do to my cock?

Miss Jane, please answer my question. Although I fear your response might be printed in Leg Show after I have been given the injection.

To let you know, the number of my tag around my neck as I write you is 31. Thank you, Miss Jane.

Wary in Canada

Dear Best Be Worried, Wary,

Unless she’s a physician, it is unlikely Marika would be able to get her hands on Botox even if she wanted to. However, if she does get some, run when you see the needle. For, in the words of a physician I spoke with about your lifestyle and question, Botox “will be detrimental to the penis as well as the person who owns it, whoever that might be.”

Botox has a number of uses, but is most commonly used by women “of a certain age” to deaden muscles in their faces so that their wrinkles won’t show as much. Botox is made from botulinum toxin, a sterile, purified protein produced from a bacteria in the lab. Injected into facial muscles in small amounts, it binds to the nerve endings supplying the skeletal muscles of the face, preventing nerve impulses from traveling to the muscle for three to six months. It can render a smooth but wax-like appearance.

The penis itself is not a muscle. It’s comprised of nerves, blood vessels, fibrous tissue, smooth muscle, and three cylinders of sponge tissue that fill with blood to make an erection. I told the doc I talked with that my hunch was that Botox would deaden a penis for three to six months (but, perhaps on the plus side, would render it wrinkle-free). He said just the opposite would occur. The “muscle in the penis,” he said, “needs to relax to fill with blood [to make an erection]. Then, the muscle needs to contract to get rid of blood [and the erection]. With Botox,” he warned, “muscles in the penis would relax and blood would come into it, causing an erection. However, the penis would not be able to push the blood back out.” He said that a prolonged erection would be “extremely dangerous” and “require surgery.” He uttered words like “priapism” and “necrosis” that scared me out of asking him more about the surgery. I was right, though, about it being wrinkle-free.

He Wants to Act out His Kink in Front of Her
Dear Jane,

I am a regular masturbator to Leg Show and your column. I’m 49, submissive, would love to have a Mistress humiliate me, and feel it’s time I lived out my fantasies.

I have an attractive female friend (possible girlfriend) who’s willing to participate but she doesn’t know much about fetishes or humiliation. What I’d like to do is have her over to my apartment while I call a phone sex Mistress. The phone sex Mistress would humiliate me in front of my lady friend—and then ideally my friend would join in on my humiliation once she gets the hang of it.

I’d like the Mistress on the phone to command me to strip naked, take my nasty, hardening cock in hand, and put on a slow, humiliatingly sexy masturbation show for my friend. I could show my friend how I need to submissively fuck my sexy rubber pussy while my cum-filled balls down between my legs swell with desire. Then later perhaps I could demonstrate to her how I spread my ass cheeks with one hand and then work an erect, licked, and lubricated rubber cock into my hungry, horny ass as I wince and moan with discomfort and pleasure. My phone Mistress would tell me to fuck myself hard and deep as my lady friend, her arms crossed, looks on in amusement.

After I’m swollen to the point of bursting and pleading for release, the phone Mistess finally allows me to shoot my load. Perhaps I could cum on my lady friend’s feet and lick it up. Or maybe I should bend over and beat off so that my hot load lands on my face (I could lick that up, too). Either way it would be great.

What do you think, Jane, should I live out this fantasy? And can you advise me on how to be very, very, ultra humiliated during this evening?

Kinky Date in Florida

My Daring Kinkster,

So much more imaginative you are on a first date than those boring guys who put on a DVD to entertain a new love interest. What could I possibly add to your sublime scenario, you sexy devil...you thought of everything but the Chex party mix.

I think you’re basically on track, although, in your enthusiasm, a wee bit extreme for a first rendezvous. If you want to see your lady friend after this evening, build more slowly, and certainly disclose what you have in mind. I might limit the evening’s merriment to calling a phone sex Mistress while your friend sits next to you listening in on the extension. Have the phone Mistress talk you teasingly through unzipping your pants and stroking yourself per her instructions while your friend watches, learns, and, if you’re lucky, joins in. That’s quite enough for a first encounter, darling. I promise you’ll be enormously aroused, simply by having a woman bear witness to your performance.

If you insist on playing it as intensely as your letter suggests, be sure she knows all details before she scurries over to your place with a bottle of red for you to unscrew. But I encourage you to think hard about expressing yourself with such uninhibited passion in front of her. In my book, love means not having to see his asshole on the first date.

A Note to All: I receive a lot of mail from you precious darlings. Please know that I read (and appreciate) everything you send me, even if I fail to respond to you promptly or include your letter in this column. I thank you for continuing to trust me with the part of yourselves that is most private. (There you go again, thinking dirty thoughts ... I’m talking about the private part of your brain, bad boy!)

Jane Vargas holds a Ph.D. in Human Sexuality and can be found on the Internet at www.xtratalk.com. Ask for Jane’s advice on any aspect of fetish sexuality by e-mailing her at jane@xtratalk.com or writing to her at Leg Show. “Advice to Boys Who Need It Bad” is a registered trademark of X-traordinary Talk! Please note that Jane’s advice is from the viewpoint of a caring, softly dominant woman; it is not intended to replace professional therapy. All questions are “real,” although may be edited for length.

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