March 2007

When a Dog is More Than Man’s Best Friend
Dear Jane,

I find the world of fetishism both fascinating and mysterious and I’ve read every one of your columns. Your perspectives have alleviated some of the guilt I feel about my own fetishistic behavior. Except that my behavior goes beyond anything I’ve read in your column.

I didn’t even know what a fetish was until it overcame me like a tsunami…and it has haunted my life ever since, as well as imbued it with erotic experiences so intense they defy description. I was barely out of college when a friend invited my to watch a video of how dog breeders extract semen from male studs for breeding. His father was a veterinarian and the video was designed to be educational. I found it erotic. It changed my life.

In the video, two attractive nurses lead a male collie into a white-tiled room with stainless steel equipment. They introduce the collie to a “teaser bitch” female dog in heat. The male is allowed to sniff his “lady friend” whereby he becomes agitated and aroused. The narrator explains that if no female in heat is available, a special scented cloth can be raised to the dog’s nose to create arousal.

Just as the stud attempts to mount the bitch, she is whisked out of the room leaving the male confused and anxious. The nurses quickly secure the front paws of the male with straps. One nurse manually stimulates him while the other tries to soothe him with soft reassuring talk. An artificial canine vagina is fitted on the stud. He is free then to enjoy the receptacle while the ladies wait and watch for ejaculation. After he comes, the nurses praise him for a job well done.

The video left me breathless. I was embarrassed and guilty by my reaction. I pilfered the tape and watched it repeatedly. For several years I was satisfied to just watch the video and masturbate, each time thinking how much I wanted to be the one doing the masturbating of the dog.

I’ve never let anyone in the world know this, but my own horrible secret is that I have been sexual with my own dogs (labs, a male and female from the same litter). I feel horrible every time I touch one of my beloved dogs for an intimate encounter, and yet I do it again and again (about 3 times a week). I still maintain what I consider healthy relationships with women and am sexual with one woman in particular (and have been for about a year).

When I’m with one or the other of my dogs in bed, our sexual activities can include any of the following: I masturbate my male, have performed fellatio on both, and enter and ejaculate into the female. I also have allowed my male to mount and penetrate me.

I wonder whether I was sexually attracted to dogs before I saw the veterinarian training film. I don’t know; I do know that as a kid I loved their scent, their softness, their unconditional and uncomplicated love. Having owned a number of them over the years, I have learned to read my dogs; their body language is as plain as any human’s. If they’re not up for an encounter, I can tell and I stay away (and, by the way, not all dogs want to have sex; some do, some don’t and I respect that). If they DO want to play in that way, they let me know it. I know you’re going to accuse me of having a non-consensual relationship with my dogs, but I feel otherwise: I feel it IS a consensual relationship.

Or am I just trying to justify sick and perverted behavior, Jane? I feel like the only one in the world who does this. The Internet shows tons of animal-human sex, but it’s all disgusting pornography and not at all about what I do or what I feel. My relationship with my dogs is not only about sex; I love them (and am IN love with them), just as humans know this emotion. I find very little information I really need about this. I don’t even feel I can see a therapist about this. I’m not sure if I want to (or can) stop anyway. At this point, I want more information and whether I’m the only one—as well, of course, whether I’m the sicko to end all sickos. Please sign me

Dirty Doggy

Darling,

Really think you’re alone on this one, babe? Probably second only to incest as a taboo, bestiality has been depicted in art and culture throughout time going back 25,000 to 40,000 years and in most cultures. Before Christianity people considered animals not so different from themselves; hence, bestiality had less negative judgment attached to it.

Iron Age cave paintings show men inserting their penises into donkeys’ behinds. In the 13th century B.C., the Hittites had rules about which animals were okay to have sex with and which weren’t. Cleopatra used a jar full of bees, which she pressed against her genitals to bring herself off. Sex with female crocodiles in ancient Egypt was thought to make men strong and goats were considered a cure for nymphomania. The ancient Romans acted bestiality themes on stage and orgies thrown by Nero and Tiberius included people having sex with animals. In the Middle Ages, animals commonly lived in the home and were a convenience for men after the wife had gone to bed.

Sultans in Asia kept animals to keep their harem satisfied while in ancient India the penalty for bestiality was less severe than that for anal sex, and copulation with a sacred cow was thought to bring good luck. Ancient Peruvian bachelors were not allowed to have female alpacas in their homes.

Then the church stepped in. St. Thomas Aquinas threw a wet blanket on the activity in the 1200’s by citing as unnatural vices (in this order): bestiality, homosexuality, sex in unnatural positions, and masturbation. A few hundred years later during the Renaissance, the church decreed that bestiality was a crime against nature.

A lot of good it did…by the 17th century, bestiality was so prevalent between boys and cows and sheep that boys were not allowed to work as shepherds.

Lest you think that pornographers came up with the idea of bestiality in our part of the world, early Native Americans and Eskimos mention the practice in their literature. In 1639 in the American Colonies bestiality was cited as a reason for divorce; in 1642 two men were sentenced to death for it (the animals so engaged with these men were also slaughtered). In England, until 2004 when the British Parliament decided six months’ in prison was harsh enough punishment, it was death for anyone caught practicing sodomy (until the late 19th century, the term sodomy included both homosexual and animal sex).

But no, darling, you’re hardly a relic of the past. Consider its prevalence today: For live sex-animal shows, one can go to Thailand, Korea, Philippines, or Taiwan. In Morocco, fathers encourage their sons to practice anal and vaginal sex with donkeys so their (the sons’) penises will grow. Also, masturbation is scorned there in favor of bestiality. Many Arab men believe sex with animals increases their virility, cures disease, and enlarges their penises. And if an Arab man feels a need to stray, bestiality is considered preferable to “zina,” cheating on one’s partner with another human. Under Islamic law, the penalty for bestiality is death; still, bestiality is reportedly tolerated and widely practiced.

Alfred Kinsey reported in his 1948 study of male sexuality in America that one in 13 men has sex with animals (and that half of men in rural areas have some kind of sexual contact with animals 2-3 times a week, either masturbation of the animal or vaginal intercourse). In 1953, Kinsey reported in his study of female sexuality that 4 percent of women have sexual contact with animals (half those cases were a single incident).

It’s so taboo and so far underground that no one truly knows the prevalence of bestiality today, although it does appear in mainstream culture now and then, as in Edward Albee’s play “The Goat,” some provocative advertising, and Gene Wilder’s love for a sheep in Woody Allen’s “Everything You Wanted to Know About Sex...’ And, but of course there are sex toys, including replications of animal’s genitalia and blow-up sheep for Mr. Wilder.

The best current study on human-animal sex was conducted by a colleague of mine, Hani Miletski. Dr. Miletski conducted an in-depth study of “zoos,” which is the term people in this lifestyle use for themselves. Nearly all zoos consider themselves “zoophiles,” which is distinct from bestiality in that love and deep emotional connection are part of the sexual relationship. The term bestiality refers only to the act of sex with animals.

The reasons and motivations for zoophilia vary and, despite what people often believe about any sex that’s outside the norm, the practice doesn’t appear to have anything to do with early childhood sexual trauma. Most of Dr. Miltetski’s respondents said they were sexually aroused by animals from an early age (said one of her respondents, “I was always attracted to the voluptuous, smooth and black-shimmering genitals of horses”). But that was only one of many motivations for getting it on with the animals in the neighborhood. Also cited as triggers were lack of social interaction (“I only had a dog for a friend. I wanted to please him so I gave him a blow-job”), seeing animals mate (“watching animals when they were aroused or mating aroused me, so I wanted to touch, and that led to other things”), their availability (“the opportunity to try sex with animals existed, I tried it, it felt good, so I kept doing it three to five times per week that summer”), lacking self-assurance with the opposite sex (“I did not have the self-confidence necessary to pursue human females nor the social skills to recognize when they were attracted to me”), and bad experiences with humans (“Animals do not hide their emotions, motivations, or desires; they are inherently truthful. They give as they get .. Humans are incapable of this, utterly”). Many felt it was “the natural thing to do.”

The most frequently cited reason Dr. Miletski’s respondents had sex with animals, however, was because they had sexual attraction to them. The next most often-cited reasons were wanting to express love or affection for the animal and having sexual fantasies about sex with animals. These three reasons, Dr. Miletski concludes, defines zoophilia as a sexual orientation (not a fetish as you state in your letter). (Sexual orientation—gay, hetero, bi, and so on—is generally defined by the fulfillment of all three of these characteristics: emotional bonding with, fantasizing about, and erotic orientation toward the given activity.) Zoosexuality is the term coined for looking as zoophilia as a sexual orientation.

Like most “zoos,” you don’t express a desire to give up your activities even though you don’t feel great about yourself for doing them. But, if you wanted to, is there a “cure?” In 1935 psychiatrist Krafft-Ebing said the cure for bestiality lay in getting air, exercising, and steady work. Good luck with that. As with any sexual orientation, you probably will find more happiness within if you strive for self-acceptance than with banishing the desire.

I had the opportunity to speak with a zoophile at a seminar led by Dr. Miletski. I asked about the issue of consent, which, as you guessed in your letter would be my own biggest issue with zoophilia. The man I spoke with voiced your view that animals possess unmistakable “communication through body language.” At the beginning of his experimentation when he was 8 years old, he said, he got scratched, kicked, and hurt. But over time he said he learned to “read” his animals. (Now in his thirties, this gentleman has a girlfriend, although was a virgin to human sex until he was 29. He shared his sexual history with his girlfriend and she accepts it. He declined to answer my questions on whether he continues to have sex with his dogs as well as with his girlfriend and whether he’s brought her into his lifestyle.)

Like many zoos, he reasons, “Why is it okay to eat animals but not to have sex with them?” and “We give our dogs belly rubs and draw the line there. Why there? Why not masturbate the dog?” “It’s humans,” he said, “that place value and judgment on the phenomenon; it’s natural for the animals.” He also said that his love for his animals goes far beyond having sex with them. “When they are unable to be physical any longer because of age or infirmity,” he said, “I love them just as much.”

At the end of the intensive day of learning about zoophilia, I felt a great deal of compassion for anyone drawn to this lifestyle; it’s a complicated life, fraught with fear and possibly harsh social penalties for being found out. And it’s illegal by federal and state law. In Montana you can be fined $50,000 and it’s 20 years in prison in Rhode Island. Bestiality can be used as a reason for divorce by civil law. Many states prosecute the act as a crime against property, the idea that consent doesn’t exist in property crimes. In California it’s a misdemeanor. The Humane Society officially declared it as animal abuse in 1998; they actively work to shut down Internet sites on the topic.

However, from viewing a documentary, reading many case histories, and studying Dr. Miletski’s research findings, I am convinced that you and all others pulled in this direction are expressing something that to you is natural and fundamental to who you are, just as homosexuality is for some others. All I can tell you, sweetie, is that you’re not a bad person because you like and do this.

You ask for sources of information. Unfortunately, the Internet isn’t a great source. However, please visit DrMiletski.com to find the book, “Understanding Bestiality & Zoophilia,” a highly readable and fascinating summary of her research findings. You might try to locate the documentary “Animal Passions,” by Christopher Spencer; it aired on UK television but not in the U.S. One criticism I have of this piece is that it portrays pretty stereotypical zoophiles; in the film they’re fat and live in trailers in rural areas. The man I interviewed in person is fit, handsome, urban, and lives in a house.

I don’t know whether it’s still published, but “The Wild Animal Revue” is a magazine for people who have sex with animals. Finally, look for the book, “The Horseman: Obsessions of a Zoophile,” by Mark Matthews (1994). Mr. Matthews so loved his horse that he married her. Now that’s love.

Jane Vargas holds a Ph.D. in Human Sexuality and can be found on the Internet at www.xtratalk.com. Ask for Jane’s advice on any aspect of fetish sexuality by e-mailing her at jane@jane.tv or writing to her at Leg Show. “Advice to Boys Who Need It Bad” is a registered trademark of X-traordinary Talk! Please note that Jane’s advice is from the viewpoint of a caring, softly dominant woman; it is not intended to replace professional therapy. All questions are “real,” although may be edited for length.

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